Reviews for Never: The Birth
Guest chapter 7 . 1/6/2014
Man, I love this story, but your grammar drives me nuts. It's not even consistent. Okay, let me explain. Apostrophizes are used, very often, to show possession. Example: Riley is Cole's mate. Another way they are used is to combine a word with another. Suppose you wanted to change that sentence and make it shorter: Riley's Cole's mate. They are not used in plural (more than one of something, like "eyes". More examples of common apostrophe usage include:
've- have (i.e. Could've)
n't- not (couldn't)

Also, a comma is a pause within a sentence. It's best to read a story aloud, and when you pause, that's where a comma should go.

Another thing you get wrong half the time is your/you're. Your is possessive. It's generally used in reference to a person's possession. Example: Your clothes are dirty. You're is a shorter way of saying "you are". So if you said "you're clothes are dirty", then you're basically saying "you are clothes are dirty", which makes no sense. If you were to say "you're alone", this makes sense because it means "you are alone", but if you said "your alone", it makes no sense because "your" is only used possessively.

These things bug me to the point where I can't read your story.
Guest chapter 3 . 1/6/2014
You're. Your. They're not the same.
Guest chapter 18 . 7/6/2012
Meh. Not too into the whole "I'm in control" thing. I've never understood why some girls like to be in control, think it's sexy or whatever. I'm so submissive that I don't get anything out of girl-in-control lemons. *sigh* good story, though.
Guest chapter 17 . 7/6/2012
Five foot two... I'm shorter than that, at seventeen. Haven't grown in years. Dammit
Guest chapter 5 . 7/6/2012
You really made a nice connection to Wiccans here. But we often spell magick with a k at the end.
Guest chapter 2 . 7/6/2012
He really is very sweet, once you overlook the fact that he kidnapped her. He actually reminds me of my boyfriend- very calm and quiet, and very sweet.
Yo-yo chapter 19 . 3/28/2012
Yayyyy! A successful ending. Good job like I said before. Sorry some of my reviews were impulsive/short, it's late. bed time!
Yo-yo chapter 18 . 3/28/2012
I hope so too Riley.
Yo-yo chapter 17 . 3/28/2012
Yo-yo chapter 16 . 3/28/2012
Compelling and steady pace, I can't wait to read more!
Yo-yo chapter 15 . 3/28/2012
Your story has hit it's stride and it's good... I'm so happy.
Yo-yo chapter 14 . 3/28/2012
liking riley better now!
Yo-yo chapter 13 . 3/28/2012
Dun dun dun!
Yo-yo chapter 12 . 3/28/2012
Twists and turns!
Yo-yo chapter 11 . 3/28/2012
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