|Reviews for Evolution|
| Kylia chapter 1 . 5/21/2011
i love the story so far
| Aurora's Rainbow chapter 1 . 1/17/2011
Love the story so far. It reminds me of school. Update soon.
| Mary Edmondson chapter 1 . 1/15/2011
One thing I have to say about your writing: you are a writer. You have a simplistic yet elaborate and fresh way of writing that is uncomparable.
Is there a reason you use the word virtually alot?
I really thought that that was how the story was going to began- with Terrance waking up to find his family missing.
It was such a slap in the face when it turned out he was dreaming.
However, very, very foreboding!
The voice in this story (and I know you're going to want to punch me in the face when I say this) I think it would be better in first person. Without narrative and casual the voice is in the writing. However, you can take that opinion with a grain of salt.
Also, I don't think this is a Young Adult novel since you do say Fuck. I think the worse you can do in a young adult novel is probably 'damn' and 'hell'. Lame. I know.
Dumbfounded is one word.
"You know..." She whispered in this ear, her breath tickling his lobe (there needs to be a comma after "..." and she doesn't need to be capitalized.) All pronouns (unless in the beginning of a sentence) don't need to be capitalized.
Whenever there is an elipsis or a cut off in a sentence, always end it with a comma. Overall, your grammar is perfect. You write very well, and I can obviously see you love your story as well as your characters.
I hope that you see my criticism as constructive and not critical. I hope you continue this story- I'm excited to see where it's going!
| Viking-American chapter 1 . 1/14/2011
Good job, excellent work! Good start. Not a whole lot of typos or grammar issues.
Very good, adding you to my lists, all of them. fave and alert
| BehindxThexEyes chapter 1 . 1/10/2011
This is a really cool story...I especially liked the beginning, because most of the time you can tell that the person is dreaming, but this time I really couldn't. Nice job!