|Reviews for The Coquette and the Thane|
| Seigetsu Ren chapter 2 . 10/4/2012
Interesting chapter. The flow was much better this time and it was quite easy to read. I like how each character seem to have their distinct personalities, though I would hope to see further development (I find it hard to imagine a character who is completely bad, or completely good. Myles seem too twisted at the moment, and Rhyan too kind...I wonder if their personalities might change according to the events of the story). I must say I'm not a big fan of stories that take place in eras where women have so little power, though this is no fault of yours, of course. In fact, I find the setting of your choice to be quite believable. Also, this chapter left me wondering who or what Baisyl's father made a magic deal with, and why he couldn't just reverse the deal in some way. Perhaps we'll know the answers later?
| Seigetsu Ren chapter 1 . 10/4/2012
AAT easy-fix review #1
I liked the flow of the dialogue. Very natural, and gives a glimpse of the characters' personalities. The start of the chapter, with the one, two, three counting thing was quite disruptive, and somewhat deterred me from reading on, but it got better. The beginning of the chapter was a little quick for my taste. It was a little hard to follow. But towards the end, things started to settle in, and I especially liked the ending which left on a hook to draw us into reading the next chapter.
| KShade chapter 5 . 10/4/2012
This chapter was quite suprising, with Baisyl winning. I was expecting that being a girl would've thrown him off. The last sentence was a great hook. I also love your vocab, which uses good descriptive words without losing the idea in the process.
| KShade chapter 4 . 10/4/2012
I like the ending, with the wager. This looks like it's going to get very interesting. This is really well written, and had I read it, I would've nominated it/voted for it.
| KShade chapter 3 . 10/4/2012
That did kind of confuse me with Baisyl being referred to as 'she' until I read the AN. I like how you don't spend hours on introductions.
| KShade chapter 2 . 10/4/2012
Baisyl is an intriguing character. I look forward to reading more about him. My one question is who/what are Cecil and Rye?
| KShade chapter 1 . 10/4/2012
I like the was you started with an exciting scene. I got a little confused with the characters at times, but I think I've figured it out.
| Highway Unicorn chapter 27 . 10/4/2012
Chapter 27. Means I only got ten more chapters till I finish this first book. :'D
Anyways. LET'S DO THIS.
O, the child! It's Baisyl's and Kedean's kid, right? :D
*reads some more*
IT IS HIS CHILD! But...why (and I'm assuming it's Kedean) but why wouldn't Kedean want his child? :(
["Are you decent?"] hahahaha, I love how Kedean still asks this before entering even after they had awesome buttsex in the alley XDDDD
Moar sex. (o/3/o)
[taking their time as if re-mapping each detail, teaching himself the hills and valleys] Ah, I really like how you compare the human body to hills and valleys. Not only is it creative imagery, it's a nice refreshing touch, makes it seem peaceful and sweet. :3
["Good morning,"] hahahaha, nice. That's the best type of good morning ever xD
I must comment on something, and this just may be how I see the situation. But from how I see it, it appears that Kedean seems more...excitable towards female version of Baisyl. Yes, he clearly gets excited towards male version, but in this chapters sex scene he's just seems more...into it, i guess. Idk if i'm totally wrong or if i'm right. :I
[It should be noted that Baisyl's sickness this chapter is not meant to be a "hint" of pregnancy (morning sickness). I'm fully aware that morning sickness doesn't usually show up until the fourth to sixth week after conception] Hahahah good, cause we don't need another "Bella's instant baby after just having sex scene"XD
Anyways. This was a lovely chapter. More sex. More emotions. GOOD JOB! :D
| Highway Unicorn chapter 26 . 10/4/2012
[For the record, Kedean wasn't actually considering taking Baisyl against a brick wall in a filthy alley in the middle of the night in a city with active warrants out for their arrest] YUS! SEX SCENE! XD I get to make some more immature comments XP
[Right. Right?] Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight ._.
[he fucked his charge stupid against a brick wall.] Best type of sex. *nods*
[In a filthy alley where anyone could see them. And get them arrested. And thrown in jail.] Maybe Baisyl is just into that sort of thing, public intercourse. Maybe he get's a thrill from knowing anybody can see/catch them during this moment? This is like...the second time they be having sex out in the open. :3 He just that kinky, huh? XD
Hahahaha, I can totally just see somebody just standing in the shadows of the alley way watching them go at it with wide eyes. (O.O) Just standing there. That's all. And watching. With 'em round eyes.
[why he ever bothered to argue with Baisyl at all.] Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, argues and wins with Baisyl :D Baisyl shall always come out victorious.
[Surely, there was nothing to worry about.] And this is how Baisyl got preggers, huh? XDDDD SO in avway, if he does in fact get preggers, this will actually, IN A WAY, be a butt baby :'D
I really like the duo of Zyric and Rhyan. They just seem to...I guess work well together ;)
Yes. *Cough* Porn. Very much so. XDDD But no, you wrote a very nice love making scene. :D
| Highway Unicorn chapter 25 . 10/4/2012
Aw, I enjoyed the first half of this chapter. (Ha, for some reason, I coudn't stop reading until the halfway break to comment like I usually do.) Anyways, I shall just start talking about my feelings towards the first half.
I liked the interactions between Darion and Melsinna because one, it was beyound realistic/naturally. You really have this gift for making dialogue sound...perfect...and alive. Two, it, being this relationship between the two, it emotionally impacting in a way. They are like this...divorced couple who still have feelings for each other. It's clear that Darion cares for Melsinna, as does she care for him, even if he has moved on and married another.
And I know they share child(ren?) together, but it seems that their...love (Maybe love might not be the correct word, but i'll say it anyway) runs deeper than that. :P
And by the way the marraige between Darion and his current wife is described, it doesn't sound like they get along that well.
[I may have made a bit of a habit of,] MAY? Yeah. Sure. Uh-huh. Hahahaha. I bet even Kedean can see straight past that XD
DOE they are getting kinky again, AND I LIKES KINKY :DDDDD
LE SEX :D LE PUBLIC SEX :D
OKay, i'll stop XD
| Highway Unicorn chapter 24 . 10/4/2012
[still soaked after their 'liaison' in the rain and mud] They had sex hair, huh? XD But that must be awkward, walking into a room full of people looking like a hot mess obviously because of just having sex. YUP, AWKWARD, but a good ice breaker at the same time. :D
["You don't, enough, you know. Talk, that is. Sometimes it helps."] I can so see Natara pushing a bowl of ice cream towards Kedean and saying "Wanna talk about it slugger?" in a cutest/understanding voice...kinda like girl talk, except Kedean has a penis. XD
["I love his company," Kedean answered...] DOE, I really love this cutest side of Kedean, TIS SO CUTE :D But yeah, it's nice to see a big old guy all gooey...well not GOOEY, but like...strongly attachted to another. :P
["Days…a week? Maybe?"] Wow. I haven't even thought of the time span in this story...it always felt longer than a week though... BUT yeah, that's interesting. A week to fall in love. :DDDDD GIRLY SCREAM OF HOW ROMANTICALLY CUTE THIS ALL IS... *ahem*
[but she would still have something of] BAM. The truth comes out! :D I like how you creatively came about to having Kedean admit it...well, maybe not intentionally, but it did come out! :D TIS SO GEWD, LETTING LE EMOTIONS OUT AND SHIt.
XD Aw, their little conversation about liking each other's companies is sooo like how awkward young teens would act, with the long pauses, and stumbling around for the correct words XD TOO CUTE :D
AW LE KISS.
| stuck in bed chapter 1 . 10/4/2012
I like how you made this chapter easy and enjoyable to read. There was a good balance between dialogue and description.
At the same time, whilst your dialogue was fun to follow, it was a little stiff and maybe not so credible at certain points.
| professional griefer chapter 11 . 10/3/2012
I really enjoyed Zyric in this chapter, you finally gave him a chance to shine and his characterization was adorable. I think he's my new favorite character.
I also liked Fern's characterization, her sarcasm and general attitude comes through really nicely from her dialogue.
I didn't like how short the first part was, I really enjoyed it and thought it could have been extended a bit.
I love how Dee and Baisyl's relationship is progressing, it feels insanely natural.
In short, I'm jealous.
Great work, as usual.
| Highway Unicorn chapter 23 . 10/3/2012
LE SEX IS HERE! :DDDDDD HUZZAH HUZZAH! Took us twenty-three chapters, but LE LOVING IS NOW HERE! :DDDDDD
[This is not a chapter to read in a public setting. Just sayin'. ;D] Just because of this, imma read it in front of my mother. JK... i'm probably going to giggle throughout this chapter, because i'm (IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO TELL YET) super immature when it comes to sex. XD
[Anger.] Rough sex.
[Fuck me] hahahaha, nice XDDDD Looks like someone has a BLUBBER BONER! :D But yeah, Baisyl is not as...classy when he be in the loving mood.
[I will fuck you so slowly…" Baisyl's fingers might have dug into Kedean's thighs at that point, "…that you forget how to breathe before I am done with you…"] OMG I'm laughing so much right now, not because i find your writing funny... I just find how 'sexy/horny' Kedean is SO dramatically different from classy/safe/no sex-sex Kedean. But yeah. :3 A *slow* fuck. Nice.
[You're going to tell me you've done this before?] Wait, so Baisyl is a virgin...in the sense of getting his back doors knocked down? Or did I completly misread this? :I I always thought Baisyl had experience in this department, cause frankly, this boy likes to talk about sex a lot, in a classy way though. ANYWAYS, I find that sorta sweet, if he is a virgin. Makes their relationship that much more special. Well now this [haven't done that properly for…over six months now. Since before I was cursed.] IDK if he's butt virgin or not. X( OKAY. so he was a butt virgin before Kedean, but he's made love to other guys, right?
AWWWWW that last line was perfect.
So yeah, this was a short but sweet chapter.
LE BUTTSEX! :D
| Highway Unicorn chapter 22 . 10/3/2012
[Clearly, they underestimated your innate skill at…escaping situations not in your favor] O, the tension between them is thick. Jerith does not like Kedean, which is mean, cause who noe like Kedean? Baisyl needs to step in and be all like "AW HELL NAW! *snaps fingers in 'z' shape* YOU NO TALK TO MAH MAN LIKE DAT BEOTCHE!" Yeah, that's what Baisyl should do XD
[Lovers] Ah poo. That's a problem...well not really, cause Kedean is clearly Baisyl's pet, but still...it might make Baisyl feel...I don't wanna say 'bad' but maybe...strange/uncomfortable... OR NOTHING. :I I'm just going to continue reading instead of trying to figure out character's feelings.
["Eventually, knowing that I could not return her feelings to the degree that she felt them caused her too much of a burden…so I left."] I actually think that this was a very brave thing to do. It makes me...angry when somebody stays with somebody else without loving them...if that makes sense. Like if Kedean stayed with Natara without loving her, I would be mad, cause he would be cheating her out of a true romantic relationship. But he left for her, so for that, I applaud him. YUP.
[any intention of hitting me, I'd respectfully request that you do it now while I'm halfway prepared] The truth comes out; Baisyl is into BDSM. XD
[You can safely assume that the next chapter will not be worksafe. At all. Just...a heads up] :O IS THIS IT? LE MOMENT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR? :D Are...are they gunna make some butt babies in the next chapter? :'D
Ignoring my above comment about butt babies, I liked this chapter because it showed some of Kedean's past, which ultimately brought about some concerns for Kedean's and Baisyl's relationship. But everything seems to be fixed...and some loving is on the way. SO I'M OFF TO THE NEXT CHAPTER! :D