|Reviews for The Coquette and the Thane|
| v-n-ll-y chapter 2 . 12/6/2012
So, the other major character. Very interesting and unusual situation, and as I might have said before, it's a unique plot. I like how you hint at the cause of Baisyl's circumstances but don't launch right into a detailed explanation because it leaves room for some questions.
I also have to say your world feels really grounded. Of course there would be problems with having the firstborn son currently in a female body, but then you addressed other social/political issues such as Myles abusing the current situation to his advantage and inheriting things and privileges that should have been Baisyl's. It also says something about the position of females in the society of this world.
I'm glad Baisyl at least has someone like Rhyan to confide in, although his time is just about up seeing as he has to leave the next day. I like the interaction between them though, it's a stark contrast to the relationship between Baisyl and Myles. It should be pretty interesting to see how Kedean and Baisyl interact as well, provided Baisyl doesn't run away and they do meet up.
from the RH
| Deserthawk chapter 2 . 12/5/2012
Oh GOD - that is just - horrible. How can anyone be that... effed up. That whole family, man. That ... just made me feel really weird. Myles (like WTF? Seriously?). I don't think I've been as disgusted with a character in so few words before. And yet, this chapter made me laugh a few times too. Especially how Baisyl was dealing with that handmaid.
Really good job with the dialogue. How you show off their personalities right away, without using any explanations. As screwed up as the relationship between Baisyl and Myles is, at least he has Rhyan.
That whole part where Baisyl was talking about suicide just made me so sad. The worst thing is, that's not an inaccurate representation of how it used to be for women (even in this world, in certain places). And even if he gets that curse lifted, that won't change.
| Deserthawk chapter 1 . 12/3/2012
Nice start. I liked that fight in the beginning, cool description. Like I was standing there in the crowd too, watching.
It's fun reading Zyric and Kedean's dialogue, how they finish each other sentences and stuff. I would say Zyric's the more innocent/naive of the two... but it's interesting, how he seems to be the one signing up for those battles. I wonder what he's going to do now hat Kedean's gone.
I like your setting too. How you drop details here and there, until at the and know what the place looks like - and there's no huge paragraphs of description. Also hints of fantasy.
Overall, you do a good job of making it entertaining. Even though this isn't usually the type of thing I read, it's well-written and makes me want to continue.
| v-n-ll-y chapter 1 . 12/2/2012
The fight at the start was written really well; it felt very energised, and I noticed the use of onomatopoeia really enhanced the overall effect.
So far Kedean seems to be a rather professional sort of character; in the fight he seems very calm and level-headed, and in the exchange with Zyric he seems quite mature. From the other characters he's also suggested to be the best of the best, so he has distinct characterisation so far. The way he reacts to the offer also says something about him; it's not just having money he's interested in, he's also thinking of Zyric and basic necessities like food and rent. The mention of his chosen method of coping with difficulty already seems immediately relevant; he has problems but he literally runs away from them.
Zyric, on the other hand, is evidently less mature and more excitable, but that probably owes to the fact that he's significantly younger than Kedean. It's interesting to see the conflict between his logical thinking and his feelings, and it's believable that if Kedean has continually accepted offers from Alroy that Zyric would be quite upset if his brother left so soon after arriving.
Actually, there is a fair bit of history behind Zyric and Kedean here, but it's presented in a way that isn't too overwhelming, yet is detailed enough for a basic picture of the situation.
I don't really have much to say on the technical side of things, everything seems polished so far.
From the summary, this story definitely has a unique concept, so it'll be interesting to see how things develop. I'm guessing we'll see the other major character next chapter then.
-from the RH
| Neon.Couture chapter 1 . 11/29/2012
| The Autumn Queen chapter 37 . 11/22/2012
[Quiet, nearly soundless rustling ghosted through the room.] - I think that would be more impactful if you cut the necessary words out (as weird as it feels for /me/ to say that). Since this isn't your NaNo fic of course; we just think about wordcount there...or if you're behind anyway. :) Back on topic, I think it sounds better if you cross the first two words. Soundless rustling is also far more powerful an image than "nearly" soundless. The fact that it's rustling speaks for itself that there's some sound I think.
[Luckily-] - you want the longer dash.
]"The first…is to apologize." She scoffed. No hesitation. An immediate, perfunctory response, and he frowned, not quite expecting that. When he opened his mouth, however-] - I think a page break before "She scoffed." considering it's "he" whose talking.
I really like your ending here. It's open ended and yet at the same time pretty conclusive; obviously a little more as far as open endings go to invite interest on a sequel (which I'll try and catch you on MC) but that aside I like open endings because it leaves something for the reader, in both senses.
Overall, really well done with this fic. It must have taken a lot of effort keeping everything straight.
| professional griefer chapter 18 . 11/21/2012
YES IT'S ZYRIC I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU.
Okay, that was slightly over the top...but I am extremely happy...
One thing I loved about this chapter was the clarity of your action. In most stories I see on here, everything gets muddled with gender pronouns and I can't keep track of everything, but in this everything was extremely well written, I could follow completely, and the words you choose give a lovely picture.
And once again, your dialogue is marvelous. Zyric especially is characterized so well by the things he says, to the point where he just doesn't seem like a character. It's the same with all your characters. Dialogue is definitely your strongest point.
I also quite enjoyed your last paragraph, just the phrase 'scruffy kitten boys' is so original and amusing by itself. You're really good at originality, I will definitely give you that.
Amazing, as always.
AND ZYRIC YAAAAAYYYYY!
| professional griefer chapter 17 . 11/14/2012
Okay, I have been away too long. I missed Dee and Baisyl so much.
First off, you have amazing characterization in this chapter, showing Baisyl drunk was a good way to show another side of his character that we haven't seen before. (Also, it was hilarious. I cracked up very hard at the 'I don't want to get pregnant' bit)
I didn't care for your pacing, it was another one of those 'talk the whole time' chapters, and while your dialogue is simply fabulous it was kind of slow. It didn't get *boring*, but I was kind of aching for a more action-intensive scene.
Also where is Zyric? You are keeping Zyric from me. I am not pleased.
Just kidding, but I would love if there was a chapter with him in it coming up soon...
Um, yeah, I still am deeply in love with this story and you pretty much rock.
| Loraine Wentworth chapter 7 . 11/12/2012
Sorry this is really, really late, I've only just returned from a couple of trips away.
I really like the dialogue here. Kedean and Baisyl speak in their own distinctive ways, and this makes their personalities very clear. Baisyl is really coming across as someone quite confidant, prickly and sometimes bitter on the surface, but with a lot more complexity underneath. Kedean in contrast seems to be a more cautious person.
The battle incident is very interesting, giving some tantalizing hints about the plot. I wonder how long it will be before Fern finds out that Baisyl is Baisyl... and it also makes me wonder a lot about Baisyl's magic and the curse. Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading on and finding out more.
| Jax Creation chapter 4 . 11/5/2012
Haha, I love reading from Baisyl's POV. I don't know why but there are always these little quirks that probably aren't meant to be funny but always make me grin like an idiot. He's just so obnoxious and pitiful XD
"Corsets were the worst..." - Oh, I feel your pain Baisyl. Corsets look awesome but they are bloody uncomfortable if you sit down for too long or have it done up too tight.
"he fully intended to 'cross-dress' and don men's clothes again the soonest the situation permitted it" - Haha... I wonder, would it really be counted as cross-dressing since he's really a guy? I suppose it would be to everyone else... but... ok, I think I'll stop or I'll just go around in circles XD
"the man showing him his "cabin"—" - [showing him] doesn't sound right, the sentence structure here is quite odd.
"a small, tightly enclosed space which Baisyl felt sorely tempted to more aptly refer to as a cabinet, but held his tongue" - Haha, he really is a spoiled boy isn't he?
*Grammar: "No one came to see him off, Rhyan having already bid him farewell and Myles and his father [had] no interest in the matter,"
"Alroy would pull the moons down for me, if he could-" - Tsk, tsk, looks like Zyric has no problem playing on Alroy's affections for his own benefit XD
*Grammar: "And a very lovely morning to you, too, missus," he greeted, [cheekily]."
Lol, lol, lol, never would've figured Baisyl for a dom XD he just seems so fragile - though maybe that's just because he's in a woman's body and constantly brooding about it. Oh, wait, I forgot that he's an arrogant princely type... I take that comment back :P
Fantastic ending. A kiss, eh? Kedean's gonna be absolutely irked, haha-he's such a straight-laced fellow after all.
Another great chapter, as always :3 'Til next time!
| Shepard Milton chapter 1 . 11/4/2012
I have read several fantasy books in my life, from Kemp to R.A Salvatore. I enjoyed most of them, mostly due to their intriguing characters, and well-made story. I am happy to say I enjoyed the first chapter greatly. You write very well, and your mastery of combat scenes causes me to be red with jealousy. I will be reading this much more from this day on.
Thank you. :)
| LuckycoolHawk9 chapter 10 . 11/3/2012
I like that the cure for the curse is water because water is one of the most powerful symbols, it can be death and destruction or it could be life and that makes it extremely realistic since when Baisyl is wet, he has a new life, his old life. I also liked the dream in the begining because it shows a character how we don't know and how she affects Baisyl. I will read more...soon!
| Persevera chapter 37 . 10/27/2012
['event he odds']
I love Natara in this chapter. Love her anyway, but especially here. She's so much more noble than the noble.
Just before he embarks on a dangerous trip might have been a good time for Alroy to mention to Baisyl that he's pregnant. Maybe he will first thing in the next book, which I can't wait to get to.
| MeanderRose chapter 17 . 10/26/2012
Aww, drunk!Baisyl is surprisingly endearing. He's just pretty cute in general...though I doubt he would appreciate being told that.
I confess to not really remembering much of this prophecy, but that's my fault for being gone from this story for so long.
And Baisyl/Kedean interaction...aww! Seriously, it's just too adorable for words. I love how awkward and comfortable they are with each other. And now they've at least admitted that they're friends, which is a step in the right direction I suppose. XD
| MeanderRose chapter 16 . 10/26/2012
Whoa...things have gotten intense.
Getting curiouser and curiouser as to the cause of Baisyl's curse...but I imagine that will be revealed in due time. And Melsinna is pretty badass.
So Alroy is Baisyl and Rhyan's uncle? So...Melsinna's brother? Unless I'm missing something...
And the look into the magic system was just great. I love the descriptions of the magic-for a process so mysterious and abstract, the descriptions were very solid and grounded and so I could picture it perfectly.