|Reviews for The Legend of The Green Guardian|
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 32 . 9/22/2013
The second part with the guys started off a bit confusing. You may want to go over it just to make things a bit more clear, especially as it jumps from two of them to another two. At first, I was a little confused over who Duncan was (might be my own fault for it being a while since I read the last chapter). Maybe just try to have a bit more in there to differentiate between the two sets. For some reason, [Russel was hanging back near the door with Duncan.] stuck out to me as being awkward. Maybe just (Russel hung back, near the door with Duncan.) It’s just a simple rewording but it might sound less awkward. I’d also suggest trying to use more description to help the reader place where the characters are. Other than that, as always you have a very interesting plot here and it’s building up nicely. Just watch out for confusing scenes, awkward sentences and try to add in more description. Good luck.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 31 . 7/13/2013
As always, I’m really like the story. I love Elderest; it seems like a very err…unique and interesting place. Though I do think you could build on Russel’s general reactions to the place a bit more. Your paragraphs are a little sparse, and it would be great to see some more description thrown in. Be careful of telling rather than showing; [Nice jaw structure, thought Vivienne. She wondered if she should consider marrying him.] Although it’s third person, this line is a change of POV from Russel’s. And yeah, it’s telling. Stick to his POV and just describe the way she’s looking at him. If that’s what she’s thinking, it’s likely she’d have some sort of look on her face that might put him on guard. I would suggest putting thoughts in italics, too, or not having them at all. Again, it’s a bit telling, and with [What is an empress doing trimming hedges anyway?] it’s hard to tell if it’s his thought or part of the narration. If part of the narration it’s a change of tense, and would flow better as ‘What was an empress…’ [Asked The empress] ‘the’ shouldn’t have a capital. Just noticed that near the end. Anyway, as always, good luck and hope this helps.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 30 . 4/21/2013
Really liking this. I like how you've wound the two separate parts together; it works nicely. Good job at revealing things bit by bit, and the characters are nicely written. The only thing with this part, I felt, was the pacing. It feels almost like it moves just a bit fast. I feel like it's hard to tell what the characters are really feeling. Maybe just try to add some focus on their emotions, a bit. Good stuff.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 29 . 2/24/2013
Interesting as always, and I'm eager to see where it goes from here. The only real suggestion I have is to sprinkle more description in; it's hard to picture where the characters are or what they're feeling, and a lot of it was just a bit too dialogue heavy. More balance between dialogue/description would really help engage the reader a bit more. Hope that helps.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 28 . 11/16/2012
I feel like there's a lot you could build on in this chapter. maybe because it was so short, I felt like there was a fair bit left unsaid. Maybe, if you come to edit this, make this a bit longer - show a bit more of their reactions, emotions, etc. I really liked the meeting between them, too, but as readers we know The Guardian and Amrae are linked somehow, so I think you could show a bit more of his side to that, without giving too much away.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 27 . 1/7/2012
Yay! Glad to see these two still alive! Elderest seems like a very strange place, and I like the way you've shown the characters of the people who live there. I like how Danten just seems to know what to expect, while Russel...well, he's more at a loss, more unknowing of the world in general. Love the idea of the stomping ceremony, and the..idioticness of the guards. Brilliant stuff.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 26 . 1/2/2012
I like the opening of the chapter, with the poem about Amrae. It seems fitting. And I really like how this chapter is purely Ida; although little is mentioned of how he ended up there, I think, in the few mentions of it that there is, the reader gets a strong idea of what happened. Basically, only the important stuff is covered. Good job with that. Loved the scene with the cave - I think most readers would pick up on who it is before Ida, and it makes you feel more worried about the boy, and what's going to happen to him. Great stuff.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 25 . 12/26/2011
Personally, I like both Dean and Ida chapters, but I can see why Dean's would be more fun to write. They're a bit darker, and I like how you show more of his character throughout them - his ambition was clear from the start, but with things like this, it becomes clear how far he is willing to go to reach his own ends. Really good job at not spelling out exactly what he had to do. From the journal entries I was starting to guess. You showed Dean's realisation really well, the way he arrived at the right conclusion. Really, really good stuff!
| Telephonic chapter 19 . 12/15/2011
Oooooh Guardian and Amrae sittin in a tree. ;) I totally know where this is going. The tension between them is palpable. - I'm almost certain that's a word. It sounds dirty.
But in all seriousness this was a great chapter. The scene was set very well and it had acceptable amounts of fog.
| Telephonic chapter 18 . 12/15/2011
Deans got mad lady skillz. I can just tell she's pretending and its taking all of her will power not to jump on him 0.o annnnyway. Props for the word 'buffoonery'. Somehow I want that fit into an epitaph for someone. Not me though.
| The Folk Extraction chapter 12 . 12/4/2011
I empathize with Dean, I too am often a victim of circumstance. I think P-p-port city law is being too harsh. But Port City can be a hazardous place for its law enforcement and I understand the importance of taking every precaution. It's a good thing these few and brave men stick to small time crime like Dean while 'The Boss' -who either looks a little like tony soprano in my head or bruce springsteen or a mix- gets business done.
| The Folk Extraction chapter 11 . 12/4/2011
P-p-port city! Can you just write a separate story called Port City Cops? It can be like law and order only more fantastic.
| Blue Eyed Rat chapter 27 . 12/1/2011
I was laughing through out most of this chapter, and I'm still laughing!
"Your sword's made out of wood."
"Indeed, the finest oak. Leaves a nasty bruise on all who fall into its path!"
I almost fell out of my chair laughing. I always look forward to your chapters!
| Artism chapter 27 . 11/29/2011
finially Ida meets the guardain. The people of eldrest are a bit off though. I hope they all are ok.
| Telephonic chapter 10 . 11/29/2011
LOL, Ida needs a babysitter or something to keep him in line when Amraes not around.