|Reviews for The Legend of The Green Guardian|
| Jax Creation chapter 3 . 5/5/2011
Another well written chapter.
Small grammatical error at the beginning: "it's unpredictable turns" should be "its".
You have a talent for working comedy into the story without making it feel forced.
"... Like Dean. Dead Dean, or rather, not so dead Dean." - I thought that line was great.
And I also like how you showed us that Ida has a bit of an issue with heights because it means that he's not going to turn into a Mary-Sue character. I hope this gets worked into a later chapter - I wonder why Dean never took advantage of it?
However I feel like some of Ida's dialogue is unnecessary. Fossier's spiel would flow much better if Ida wasn't interrupting every few sentences; but I'm conflicted about this point since it shows that Ida is a bit of an impatient character and that Fossier has been a bit lax in the discipline area in addition to the easy way Fossier and Ida interact with each other... the positives outweigh my criticism. /
Anyway, I like the idea of Master Fossier being cursed - I look forward to getting to know the details of his damnation further on. Awkward for Ida if he also gets damned by the Green Guardian. xD
Dean better be accompanying him on this quest. Those two are most amusing when they're together. )
| Jax Creation chapter 2 . 5/5/2011
This was a great chapter, a nice introduction to the main plot. Your characterization is great, I love Dean and Ida's personalities - but again; try to show instead of tell. Personality can be revealed through action and dialogue as opposed to simply stating what character's are like.
Loved the part where Dean was slowly mutilating the beet and the ending was great. Brownie points for making me laugh! xD
| Jax Creation chapter 1 . 5/5/2011
I must admit, I was a bit intimidated by the poem before the prologue/intro but I'm glad I continued reading on. Since the intro is so short there is little that I can say about it.
Personally I think it would look nicer if you centred the poem at the beginning of the story before the introduction.
Also: "Something heavy in the air today, he mused. Something ominous."
It's a bit direct for foreshadowing. It's probably better to describe the scene and going-ons in order to show us that something different is happening and make us feel that sense of foreboding ourself as opposed to simply telling us that there's something ominous going on.
Otherwise you have a very nice writing style, and excellent description. I particularly liked: "His own army was a drooling, hairy lot, but they served their purpose well." It made me smile. )
To the next chapter!
| SweetlilSunshine chapter 19 . 5/1/2011
so what is the story Danten's telling? Are we gonna hear it next chapter?
| The lone canine chapter 19 . 4/30/2011
Yeah ha that's what I'm wondering. What is the relation between Amrae and the Guardian? I bet we'll find out eventually, and when we do I wonder just what it is...
Another great chapter, and I definitely look forward to more.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 14 . 4/28/2011
Loved it as always :) I think you've got a really good flow, even with the seperate POVs and such. It still moves really well, and I'm enjoying every bit. Still loving Amrae, and Ida...I don't know, he's just kind of naive and sweet. Dean is interesting, and Danten? Well, he's just fun to read about. Anyway, I'm wondering if those people helping Dean sent the crawlers, it would explain why they're going after Ida. Great stuff!
| SweetlilSunshine chapter 18 . 4/27/2011
lol, that little bit with the spider made me like dean a little more, he's so not smooth. Please write your next chapter soon :)
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 13 . 4/25/2011
I really like Amrae; she's an interesting character and I like how strong she is. She manages to stay calm in the situations she's found herself in and she's pretty likeable. Great job on her character. Then again, I pretty much like all your characters. Another really good chapter; the flow and pacing work well together and you're building it up really well. Loving it.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 12 . 4/15/2011
Another interesting chapter; I think it worked really well. The Boss seems interesting, and I'm eager to see what arrangements he sets out for them. And, hmm, what has Dean got himself into? I like how the pair of them have this knack for getting into trouble, it adds humour to it and as I've said before, the humour in this works really well. Overall, a good chapter.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 11 . 4/10/2011
As always, I think you get the humour spot on - it really makes me laugh. I love Dean's ignorance when they question him about the inn, and the interaction between the characters, especially Danten near the end, works well. The only suggestion I'd make is rather than having, ["...Right," Danten said,] maybe take out the '...' and just have ("Right," Danten said, after a pause.")
Another thing that I still want to point out is the chapter length - I think longer chapters would work well, especially in chapters like this where not too much seems to happen. Anyway, good stuff!
| SweetlilSunshine chapter 17 . 4/6/2011
lol nice way to kill the conversation russel, jeez. :D
anyway good story, cant wait for more
| The lone canine chapter 17 . 4/5/2011
Ah I really loved how you made it into two parts in one chapter still, and you did it well. I enjoyed this chapter a lot, well done and I can't wait to read more.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 10 . 4/2/2011
Poor Amrae; she's going to have a lot to deal with before this finishes, isn't she? I really liked that chapter and I think, as per usual, you well at introducing characters and making them vivid in a few short lines, so nice job with that. The humour works really well, as usual, too - I found myself laughing a couple of times throughout that, especially at the end. Anyways, good stuff, will be reading more soon.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 9 . 3/21/2011
I like how we're kind of seeing a darker side to Dean here; it works really well at showing more of his personality and the lengths he'll go to to get what he wants. Good hook at the end there, I can't help but wonder what Ida's reaction is going to be. Hmm. Basically, good chapter, nice style and good pace.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 8 . 3/16/2011
Nice chapter: I really feel like you're hitting your stride here. I didn't spot any typos and the grammer seems fine. It reads well and as usual I like the style of it and the humor. All I can say, really, is what I said before; the chapters feel a bit short. Anyway, good stuff - nice interaction between the pair, and I like her reactions to him.