This is actually really really cool!

I love the phrase 'brackish blood' and the line '...top th'eternal swell'. Really well-written!

x mandy

Breaks whispery silver 'top th'eternal swell

That line is nice.

Altogether, pretty creative!

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I liked your word choice here because I felt that it gave a certain amount of depth to the imagery. I did not like your switch in emotion from the beginning to the end, because I felt that in such a short piece, you didn't have the time to expand upon that transition in terms of mood, and so left the reader with a slight case of whiplash.

I don't know why but I got the impression that the submariner death had something to do if his submarine has crashed or if it got destroyed by a shell from an enemy submarine. Due to the feeling I got from reading the poem I'm going to have to go with the latter.

There is a war feel to the tone of the poem. All for the simple reason is that you use phrases like 'gainst and 'top the'eternal swell. I would say this is very effective as it reflects the seriousness of the tragedy.

Although I felt that you could prolong the submariner's pain before he submitted to death. For example, you could have described his reaction before the submarine exploded - but briefly, maybe two lines at the most. That would be benifical as you get to see his trauma firsthand.

I did really enjoy the poem though :)