|Reviews for Green Eyes|
| whotevar chapter 2 . 8/14/2013
Hello, Averick. This is an interesting story idea, thanks for sharing. I didn't finish reading it, but I thought I'd offer some constructive criticism for when you write future stories or if you're considering editing this one: Always try to cut down on internal thoughts/dialogue and repetitive messages, they cool down the plot, stalling things until it becomes difficult to maintain interest in the story.
Your reader will understand the inner turmoil that your characters are going through without needing to be constantly reminded. Instead of repeating over and over how confusing and out of character it is for Soren to bother helping a blue eye, just mention it briefly once in the beginning and we will remember it as the story progresses. Same goes for his sadness at losing his best friend.
What makes a plot interesting is the events that the characters experience and the actions they take. By the end of chapter two, there was more narrative about how the characters were feeling and what they were thinking than what was happening, and I kept skipping repetitive paragraphs just to get to some action.
Hope the above helps. Once again, thanks for sharing.
| r.p. ann chapter 24 . 3/10/2013
I'm too lazy to log in from my phone, okay.
The story was fine, some things should be fixed, like the names and really, why did you have to kill Soren? Why did you kill Dean Winchester? Castiel already is a depressed character! Also, if you're going somewhat canon then I guess Soren will revive or something, just like Dean. Okay yeah, might read Golden Eyes don't know yet, though, as I'm pretty angry at the moment because it feels like I wasted my time. Anyways, it was okay.
| Kirihime chapter 24 . 1/29/2013
You made me cry! Your so mean! Soren and Cayden were too cute together. I honestly wish someone else had died. Cough- Vayde-cough! Whatever I guess. I still like it. Just hate his death. Death. I still can't believe it. You know I think Cay was right Soren was just sleeping. He was going to wake up.
| theangrypotato chapter 24 . 10/28/2012
Woah, I really like this story. BUT SERIOUSLY, WHY U DO THAT?! asdfghjkl; /SOOOOREEEN!/ -sobs-
It was cool to see Cayden slowly go from 'can't do anything' to 'accidentally commanding people'.
It would be cool to see Cayden and them venture into the abyss :D.
But anyway, lovely story. I can't wait to read Golden Eyes!
Oh, and despite the death... ;_;... I really liked the ending.
| Witch19 chapter 24 . 10/10/2012
I loved it so much. & I cryed at the end.
| Modern-Renaissance-Man chapter 12 . 7/2/2012
I like it :) well done. I was a bit confused however. How did they get out of the handcuffs? Did one of the Blue Eyes have keys for them? Might be something worth mentioning. Sorry if it seams like I am just ripping on your story I really do like it but I feel constructive criticism is better than mindless praise :) i really do like it.
| Modern-Renaissance-Man chapter 11 . 7/2/2012
Reviews of chapters 9-11.
Great work with the development in these chapters. You are doing a great job with the torture scene which is not an easy thing to write (not for me anyway). This plot is growing more interesting all the time with the shifting eye colors and the consortium of bad guys. Small note, part way through chapter 11 it Says Dean instead of Soren. Tiny thing but you never catch all of these unless others help you catch them :)
| Modern-Renaissance-Man chapter 8 . 7/2/2012
Crap! Good work with the last chapter or so. I think people on these sites are just too impatient and I really appreciate that you take the time to build things up instead of diving into action after action after action. I personally would like it even more spread out but I know that people are way to impatient :) I have to ask. Have you read "The Sword of Truth" by terry goodkind? I think you will really enjoy how dark his writing can get. He covers the best and the worst of the world and writes the SCARIEST bad guys I have ever read.
| Modern-Renaissance-Man chapter 7 . 6/20/2012
Nice! your intro got me a little worked up though. I was hoping for some intense combat. I might not review every chapter form here on but I will keep reading.
| Modern-Renaissance-Man chapter 6 . 6/20/2012
I like it. Sorry, but that is all I really have to say about this chapter ;)
| Modern-Renaissance-Man chapter 4 . 6/19/2012
Were people really complaining about how Lex and Cayden were acting? If they were then don't listen to them. I don't know what people are expecting but in a world where you are essentially brain washed into prejudice of course Lex would be acting this way. The only reason it is even believable that he got over it this quickly is because of the promise he made to himself not to do it. As for Cayden, I say good work. It is easy for to write an overpowered stereotypical character without weaknesses or vulnerabilities; it takes skill and thought to write about a character such as Cayden. I can't wait to learn more about his past, the mysterious pain he is suffering from and the rift between the eyes.
| Modern-Renaissance-Man chapter 2 . 6/19/2012
I think that you are doing a very good job of slowly building up the story. I keep thinking of more and more questions that I want answered. I know that you have been done with this for a while but it is always good to hear this kind of thing again. I do not know if you were writing a chapter a day but i really feel that they should be longer so that there can be more conversation and development. There was a part in the begining where you wrote "The instant hatred was like bone-deep," get rid of the like. I think it takes away from the hatred you are trying to portray. I am going to read the next several chapters before reviewing again, but I like it so far.
| Modern-Renaissance-Man chapter 1 . 6/19/2012
I liked this first chapter a lot and I cannot wait to find out more about the powers that Soren has as a Green Eye. My main critique is that it moved rather quickly and I think that this chapter could easily have been flushed out much more while still being interesting.
| Saly chapter 3 . 4/24/2012
I like your cat, I had one before"Skylor" that we helped it's mom when pregnant with it and it's sister but some sick bastard stole it when it had 5 months, and believe me the way Cayden is so dependent of Soren feel so right and I like it :-)
| Saly chapter 1 . 4/24/2012
I just begun to read the story and until now I like it. its been some time now I'm searching for a good supernatural story, hopefully and thank you I find your' ( I'm really picky ). After reading your story l'll search in your favorites and your other stories. Thank you and please don't stop writing.