Reviews for Identity NonCrisis
Little girl Big world chapter 12 . 4/2/2011
"what is divine lies behind one's eyes"

Love it
Little girl Big world chapter 11 . 4/2/2011
The last line is great & I love how it's separated from the rest of the poem. Great word choice. This shows so much emotion.
dragonflydreamer chapter 12 . 3/18/2011
I like your choice to center this. Unusual, considering that you've never done this before. I might not have noticed much about it if this were a single piece, but in the context of the collection, it gives it a feeling of difference from the rest.

The wording and ideas are really tight for this. Great job. You packed a lot of emotions in, which is what I think all poetry should aim to do. There were so many conflicting sentiments, you left me with an unusual feeling at the end.

[what is divine lies behind one's eyes] I adore this line!

Well, these last two were definitely my favorite of the collection. I enjoyed reading all of it, and hopefully that will be a reflection of the quality to come! I hope you keep this up, and if you do, you'll definitely be hearing from me again!

~Sparkles From the Review Marathon (link in profile)
dragonflydreamer chapter 11 . 3/18/2011
I love the enjambment! It fits the whole running idea well. Reading it straight through has a winded, neverending effect. Great control over your audience.

The rhythm is great, too. Such as here: "It does not feel like home/I am not alone"-each word is so punctuated, making a pulse reminiscent of a heartbeat.

To be honest, I just noticed the rhyme scheme the second time through reading. It's so natural and goes along perfectly with everything else you're doing.

Great piece! I can tell there was a lot of attention paid to the details.
thefaultinourpatronus chapter 2 . 3/18/2011
I like how through such short words you've conveyed so much! It really gets me thinking about backgrounds of this. The last line was powerful; definitely one of my favorites.

x mandy

from the review marathon, link in my profile!
thefaultinourpatronus chapter 1 . 3/18/2011
The imagery throughout was beautiful! My favorite line is, 'pretty little pill' because it shows the insanity of people who pop pills. Cool stuff!

x mandy

From the review marathon, link in my profile!
dragonflydreamer chapter 10 . 3/18/2011
Nice use of the haiku format. I read it once and didn't feel the normal awkwardness that comes with haiku, so I had to actually count the syllables to make sure that it was one. Great job!

You also seem very aware of the technical format, notably that it must include a contrast. You use that perfectly-destruction to love. They appear so polar opposite, but are they really? You always seem to bury questions in your work.

Still, it's the simplicity I love. We're all about to die, so we might as well be in love. Such simple logic. Makes you wish all love could be that obvious.

~Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
dragonflydreamer chapter 9 . 3/18/2011
Sorry, don't like the first two lines. It just screams Green Day.

[bright as the

light in his eyes] Interesting image.

[the night that (t)he(y) died.] Ooh, love the parentheses! Creative.

[the lines beneath her eyes

won't tell] Aside from the literal image, there's a nice introspection and allusion to internal confusion to this. Nice.

[hollow parts for an empty heart.] Eh. You could make a strong image than this.

[white air released] Interesting. I like how you give a color to the air.

[underneath her gray colored sky] I like how it's "her" sky. That image even more than the others really brought out the sense of isolation for me.

[holds her arms closer to her body;] I like this image-again with the introversion-but that's about all I can say for this last stanza.

This was a bit of a disappointment to me, only because I've read eight other poems by you now. There are some really great images here, but they're buried among cliches. As a whole, I don't think this reaches any deep emotions other than angst. It's good in general, but not your best work.
dragonflydreamer chapter 8 . 3/18/2011
[but I'd rather it be vile] Period there. Also, great word choice with "vile." It has a lot of impact.

[hemorrhage heart

brain tissue broken apart] Great lines. The rhyme and the word choice are very unique.

I really liked this one. It took a common topic in poetry and used creative descriptions to bring it to a new level, even a new emotion in my opinion.
dragonflydreamer chapter 7 . 3/18/2011
[with hallucinogenic shades] Love this. Such an interesting description.

[the one who's red secrets] who's whose

[could only be revealed

by ultraviolet rays.] I'm thinking this is something sexual? I like how you use the colors to allude to that. White/virginity, red/the blood from losing it, ultraviolet/detecting the semen. Very well-crafted image.

[Across the sea

my soul will travel,

yearning for the glory

it could never hold.] Interesting. Reminds me a lot of epic poetry of Europe. I'm not entirely sure if I feel this image fits the piece, but I like it alone.
dragonflydreamer chapter 6 . 3/18/2011
I love how you manipulate the moon image. It's almost always used in poetry as tranquility, happiness, etc. It was jarring to start right off destroying that.

[(don't drown, don't drown)] Love these parentheses. Such dark undertones.

[her unfulfilled wishes

are what will take you down.] I don't like how you switched right from "you" to "her." I thought "you" was the mermaid, so what is "her." The ocean? This really caught me up.

Good sentiment in the ending, but as a whole, I think you introduced too many subjects for a short piece. I was so confused that I was unable to appreciate the meaning or the wordcraft.
dragonflydreamer chapter 5 . 3/18/2011
I like the line "were you ever even whole?" Most things nowadays are made in pieces, so that's an interesting metaphor to draw from a toy.

[say more about you

than any soul could.] Great ending. You really have a unified question throughout this piece about whether this doll is more human than some humans are and this ties it together-not in a way that answers the question, but just makes it linger.
dragonflydreamer chapter 4 . 3/18/2011
I don't like this one quite as much as the others. You relied on too many cliche images-the angel, the blood, the bull, etc. I couldn't tell if you were trying to use so many that you make them your own, but it wasn't quite there and it ultimately lacked originality.

The last stanza was great, though. It cut past the actual descriptions and got to the heart of the emotions. It's not just about the action of what's happening to her, but the fact that she blames herself. Here, I do like the use of the mirror cliche. Interesting paradox to have her inwardly reflecting on something that isn't actually her.
dragonflydreamer chapter 3 . 3/18/2011
Love the content of this. So relatable. You manage to be both specific and descriptive and still universal in the emotions-a very hard thing to accomplish.

[Hands on breasts,

shallow breathes.

Thigh against thigh;

another lustful sigh.

Brown-eyed boy,

I was just your toy.] I adore this stanza. So perfectly worded, and the rhythm and rhyme are spot-on.
dragonflydreamer chapter 2 . 3/18/2011
Powerful. Your wording is brilliant-so much is packed into these words, and there isn't anything superfluous. Flow, rhythm, line breaks; it all works together perfectly.

["I don't want to die anymore"] Comma here. I wouldn't be so nitpicky about grammar, but it gives this a longer pause that I think would be appropriate, as well.
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