|Reviews for Owen: Original Version|
| roxy chapter 1 . 3/13/2013
to be honest, i only got half way through. your character is a real gary stu. powerful parents, amazing powers, nothing bad ever really happens to him and he doesn't learn anything.
the other characters were okay and the story was fine but your main character isn't. you also had some spelling mistakes and stuff that can be fixed using spell check.
other than that it's an okay story.
| Melissa Norvell chapter 1 . 3/12/2013
Your prologue was a little nondescript. Usually a prologue is comprised of a basic summary of what the story is about without giving away the little surprises in the overall plot. However, this was a little short and seems to be lacking information and general description.
This was also very long, and I had to take several breaks just to get through it all. I believe it would have been better divided into chapters so the reader doesn’t feel so overwhelmed. Minus that and a few spelling mistakes, and the fact that it switches from past to present, it’s not too bad of a story.
You do a good job of painting scenes into a reader’s heads but you lack on describing characters. As a reader, we do not know what your characters look like, or what body postures they have, the expressions they make and all of the things that act as defining things. You have a perfect vision, because the characters are yours but we have to go off of text descriptions to paint vivid imagery into our minds to get a better picture of your characters.
I have to say that your main character is rather static. Throughout the story, I didn’t see any flaws or character growth. These things make a character seem relatable and give them a genuine or human appeal. Having a character that is deemed too perfect can give this bad judgment from other authors who give you reviews.
I like the way that the powers of the races work, and how the different types of races look in my mind from the little description I was given. You manage to make a magical world with an interesting history and storyline behind it. It’s a nice story despite its flaws it has some potential.
| LittleMissyMurder chapter 1 . 10/3/2012
I WAS ONLY ABLE TO GET THROUGH HALF OF IT! So anyway, I figured out why you think my story/chapter/whatever was nothing. You instantly get to the point! (Not an insult, just a statement) Maybe a bit too quick though. I really can't picture what they all look like. Maybe if you put in some despriction (how do you spell it?) it would be better. Also, I feel like Owen is too... whats the word? Powerful, even in the beginning and really I couldn't see anything wrong with him. And that's the problem, everyone has flaws so why not Owen? Anyway, that is just what I got from the story that I have read, I need to finish the rest.
Such a long paragraph, right?