Reviews for Moonlight Night
Wendy Thompson135th chapter 1 . 1/19/2011
Don't use bold.

It's PROLOGUE.

"Who were you singing about?" She said softly. ~~Dialogue tag sentences have two parts: what was said and who said it. Both are parts of the SAME sentence, therefore, the first word after the closing quotation marks is NOT capitalized (unless it is a name). More correctly, the example goes like this: "Who were you singing about?" she said softly. If your writing program is too helpful with unpromted fixes(it might be misled by question marks or exclamation points), see if you can manually correct or, better yet, see if you can disable that part of the program.

"As you will," although he continued to watch her throughout the evening. ~~This is not a dialogue tag sentence. It is a dialogue sentence followed by a run-on narrative sentence that DOES NOT have 'said' or any synonym of 'said'. More correctly: "As you will." He continued to watch her throughout the evening. The 'although' needs to be omitted.

~~another example: "Do you have any other ballads Bard?" Asked the lady.

This needs a double correction: "My appologies, I forgot that Bards are different than jesters." He said, and the Lords, and ladies laughed. ~~"My appologies, I forgot that Bards are different than jesters," he said, and the Lords, and ladies laughed. Also, here the unreferenced pronoun, he, is confusing. In the paragraph immediately above the example there is another 'he', also unreferenced. Who is who?

"I see that he has heard more rumers than you have Lord Michaeldon. He has found a raw spot, has he not? ~~Interjections, including direct address, is set off with commas: "I see that he has heard more rumers than you have, Lord Michaeldon. He has found a raw spot, has he not?"

And it's rumors. The plural of Vow is Vows.

'...she nelt ...' ~~It's either kneeled or knelt.

Stiring the coals with a branch. ~~Sentence fragment. She stirred the coals with a branch.

'...I think that it was me who you were singing about...' ~~Most correctly, it's 'I think that it was I about whom you were singing.' But if that's too formal, omit the 'was' and try: 'I think you were singing about me.'