"who had been" "had gotten off with" was; got

"land is stepper" steeper

"none I've never seen" ever

"barbs trailer" trail

"she has been made" she has made

"she stop her abuse" won't

okay. I normally go through and pick the typos as I read, but I was caught too deeply by the narrative and forgot. AMAZING chapter. I do have to say though, I think you need to describe the bit where she's hanging off the boat with more clarity - I found it a little bit hard to visualize what was going on.

And there's one sentence where you write in the third person - I think it's a scrap of your notes that you forgot to delete or something. ctrl F khensa and you'll find the sentence.

I really enjoyed the first part of your story-it was incredibly engaging and your characters have a lot of depth. I really like Bomani's characterization-the defiance, the anger, etc.

I did find one small typo perhaps, in an earlier chapter.

From his station in the corner Bomani barks, "Bullshit, I wouldn't be able to climb like [that]? even if my life depended on it!"

Seems like a word is missing from this sentence-a that.

Anyways, excellent job!

Ok.

I love Khensa.

I love Bomani.

Hate Bata. Hate Nessa.

It's not actually that I hate Bata... it's just that I don't quite understand him. I mean... I know he's hiding something. He must not be as nice as he appears. I much rather trust in someone openly rude than someone as nice.

But Nessa? This one I hate. She's too snobish (is that a word? We have an expression for people like that, it's nariz empinado. It means someone that have his/her nose pointing upward. Basically, it's like she's smelling rotten fish and doesn't know where the smell comes from. Now that you got me thinking about my own language... "bata" means a sort of tunic).

Anyway... I've already talked too much, when all I wanted to say was: update soon! I'm loving your story! And is there going to be any scene where Bomani and Khensa don't bite their heads off?

I've noticed that you have a tendency to put in unnecesary words such as 'a' and such in the middle of a sentence as if you were going to write something different. You may want to keep your eyes peeled for these for they hinder the flow of the sentences slightly. Also watch how you spell some words such as 'too, two, to'. I really enjoy your story and i think that you are quite talented. You have a definate direction to your story and know what you are doing with it. Keep up the good work!

"Fishmongers and clutter" missed a word there

"Their tall masts bundled over with their harnessed sails" fragment

"had been condescend" condensed

"include m in" me

"spears as their thrust" they're

"dares no venture" not

"the groves between" grooves?

Anyway, I LOVE bomani, because I'm a sucker for a rude, violent, heart-so-deep-in-his-chest-he's-forgotten-what-it-is type. I normally dislike the 'second man' in a romance scheme, the one designed as a comparison and obstacle to the first man, but Bata has grown on me. He doesn't seem a ridiculous obstacle, there ONLY for the purpose of getting in the way of the main event, so to speak. There's more to him than that.

Nessa I'm not sure of yet. It's always risky writing a bitch, because often they come off as bitchy without reason, but I doubt you'll fall into that trap with Nessa. Next chapter I think I'll be able to make up my mind about her.

Khensa I like, obviously, or I wouldn't bother reading. I'm also intrigued about junktown.

And, oh, my, Overboard sounds like someone's gonna get pushed off the boat :D I am looking forward to it.

I think the confusion in the beginning is realistic and nice to read! The names you've used are quite interesting; Onion, huh? The action sequence was described perfectly without random fighting words so as to distract the reader. Lateef was a very intriguing character to read about - nice chapter, one of my favorites!

x mandy

Your sentences are very repetitive and boring. I and I and I or The this reads rushed if I were an editor I would throw this in your face and laugh.

Man, your descriptions are just awesome! Especially for writing in first person, it gets really hard, I should know. Somehow I always end up not including descriptions anywhere! But I digress. Anyway, they make your writing so much better, with the reader being able to clearly picture the scene, and the characters' body motions. Well done!

x mandy

~Roadhouse

Could you please payback via The Mathews Scenario? Thanks!

So good story

/*In fact, in the last few days I had had very little time to think of anything else but Lateef and his damn stone. My music lessons with Shana had been condescend to fill only the tiniest corner of each morning; the remainder of which was spent sitting in front of that bowl of water and its sunken rock.

Lateef may not have had a problem breaking his promises, but should I go slack on one of mine…

For this I can almost entirely blame Lateef and his damn stone. My music lessons with Shana had been condensed so as only to fill the tiniest corner of my day; the remainder of which I had sat to attention in front of the cursed basin its sunken rock. Lateef may not have had a problem breaking his promises, but should I go slack on one of mine...*/say it once and say it again doesn't work for stories

Oh goodness, I hope Khensa manages to come up with a lie still - perhaps some lie about the people of Junktown supporting the bottom end of the rest of society?

Nessa seems like a very vain, annoying and vindictive individual and I wouldn't mind seeing her being forced away from Bomani and Khensa.

Khensa seems very naive and overwhelmed by her situation. I'm assuming it would be normal in that society for women of social standing to be able to read and write and therefore wouldn't it be in their best interests to start teaching her so that she may better blend in, perhaps also teach her how to read musical manuscripts?

I'm a fan of Bomani, I think he's misunderstood by Khensa and would make a wonderful couple once they start getting along. They're both unique individuals that don't seem to quite fit in with their stations in life.

Bata seems quite sincerely nice and I was a bit surprised that he only seemed to be interested that she may have originated in Junktown (perhaps her mother was a resident and her father found her once she died? - or at least that's what I'd imagine Bata would think, what I'd hope he'd think rather than risking him making a link between her and the temple). Despite his appearance I think he's quite dangerous due to the weapons owned by the priest that kept her captive and his conversation with her in the palace regarding the royal family. I just hope he realises Bomani is not like his father.

Can't wait to read more - please update again soon :)

Loved the last 2 chapter, the King does seem awfully grotesque with his actions and descriptions (at least he would seem so to the young Khensa). I hope the foreigners don't harm Bomani with their actions (what I am guessing they're going to do)

Can't wait for the next chapter - please update again soon :)

"The next morning Shana brings me breakfast upon a cooper tray." - 'copper tray'

"I stop myself from saying anymore, but from the stricken look upon Shana's face, she's understood me perfectly." - 'any more' though a lot of people these days stand by anymore working in the same way

And ew gross. The king is just creepy and gross.

"I'm on my feet, the heels of my hands pressed tight upon against my eyes." - 'pressed tightly against my eyes'

A very interesting development with them getting to move into the palace. I'm also quite interested to see what happens with the king and Lateef living so close together, hopefully nothing too bad. And as horrible as it might be of me, I really hope Bata turns out to be evil. I really hope to see more Bomani/Khensa interaction next chapter, but if not, I suppose I can wait until the next. :) Keep up the great work! I'm loving it!

Ever play Oblivion?

Great chapter!

I hate Bata, but I understand why Khensa likes him. I want to see Bomani soon. Please update ASAP. Thanks!

""I won't you be alone in that " let?

"but I do not that Lateef" know

"my father Lateef" and

"gentle, embarrassing reminiscing" I believe reminiscence is more correct

"engagement parties as a pretense" even though this is correct, I think pretext is more specific to the purpose?

"perhaps he obviously" perhaps OR obviously, not both

"he pouts quiet" quite

"Their wealthy and curious" They're

"full discloser" disclosure

"They're awful things: accurate and lethal. A direct hit from one of its pellets" you switch from plural to singular pronouns here.

"from the direction impact than from" I suspect directional. Also, then, and a comma after impact.

"one out of sight" their?

"simple jealously" jealousy

"its own corruption unpopularity." and?

"still there's not shaking" no

"It speaks in brusquely" delete in?

You might have done it quickly but I really enjoyed this chapter. There's not much action but Khensa's thoughts begin to pull things together. The Hunting Party promises to be fun as well. I'm glad you're a regular updater. I couldn't bear it if I had to wait weeks between chapters.