Reviews for Farro
XxSiennaxX chapter 11 . 2/5/2011
Thank-you for updating so quickly, I hope Bata's infatuation doesn't place her in a difficult situation.

You made one little error as far as I could tell. In this sentence you forgot to space out (place on a new line) the different speakers:

"Lateef raises his hand to shush the younger man. "Did she turn you in? No! Not that I would have blamed her, after the way you've been treating her." I interject, "Don't talk about me like I'm not sitting here.""

Typo's aside your writing is of an excellent quality and flows really smoothly. Can't wait to read more ;)
Liya Smith chapter 11 . 2/5/2011
Hm, just a little confused at this part:

"Please, call me Kamilah."

Bomani

Why was the random word Bomani there? But I loved this chapter because we got to see a little more of Bata - is he really being sincere or is he a bad guy? I'm still enjoying Bomani's... Well. It's funny when he get's angry.

And I completely disagree with Nate Davis because the present tense is one of my favorite things about this story!
NatalieIronside chapter 1 . 2/4/2011
Why, oh why, do people feel the need to write stories in present tense? I had a hard time with this. I have a hard time enjoying stories written in present tense.

However, that's the only problem I had with it. I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical errors, and the story (once I got over the present tense) seems interesting and pretty solid. I'm intrigued, eager to see what happens next.
XxSiennaxX chapter 10 . 2/4/2011
Oh, I love your story so far, it's such an interesting concept.

I can't wait to find out how the next chapter goes - does Bata seem enamoured with her because of her glamor? I also can't wait to find out how exactly Bata is positioned in all of this politically, to force Bomani into hiding when he appears.

Can't wait to read more, I hope you publish the next chapters asap! :)
this wild abyss chapter 6 . 2/4/2011
I liked how in this chapter it was the first time Khensa's impulsiveness got her into trouble, because thus far you've portrayed those qualities as positive, when they sometime are more harmful. I do think that you should give a little more information into Bomani's past, because at this point his biased hatred of magic is starting to get wearying, since it has no explanation.

P.S. Check out the Review Marathon, linked in my profile
Hana Himura chapter 10 . 2/4/2011
My goodnes... I'm so in love with this story that I smile while reading it. Great chapter! Please continue. x
Liya Smith chapter 10 . 2/3/2011
I like how this progressing. I can't wait till Khensa will really master her skills. I'm really liking Shana. She seems interesting and very similar to Khensa in some ways. Good chapter!
Whirlymerle chapter 6 . 2/3/2011
So people dump the dead in the Great Abyss? That’s a depressing prospect.

I like how Onion keeps on insisting that the narrator’s new home is with Lateef. What a responsible housekeeper.

Ahh, we finally know a little more of Khensa’s backstory. Now I can picture her more clearly.

[I know what that look means: he's failed to prepare an explanation on time.] Lateef has all of these powerful attributes, like being able to climb the Great Abyss, but it’s great to see that he still has his weaknesses.

I loved the scene between Bata, Lateef and Khensa! The awkward illegitimate child scenario Khensa created was too funny. The unexpected lightness of this chapter is great! :)

Your writing is lovely; the kind that makes me want to sigh at its beauty. Ahh…

~Merle
Whirlymerle chapter 5 . 2/3/2011
By the way, I forgot to add in my last review how much I really like Bomani's character. He’s obnoxious, but also really colorful, and fun to read about, in my opinion.

[I find a suitable where a wood panel that has pulled away from its brothers and shove my barefoot into the gap.] I think you’re missing a word between suitable and where.

The fight between the narrator and Bomani and the narrator (I’m sorry, was her name given?) was intense and very well written. It’s unfortunate that she has to fight even when she’s so sick. Bomani is such a jerk (but a very interesting one at that). :(

I like the relative brevity of this chapter, as it was easier to read and take in. Though this is more of a comment on how Fictionpress is formatted, than your writing.

~Merle
Whirlymerle chapter 4 . 2/3/2011
[Chike was using youto find out how he might kill me.] There should be a space between you and to.

On the one hand, I like that you don’t spell everything out for your readers. On the other hand, I would have liked some things to be explained. The Great Abyss is still very much a mystery to me, and I wish that some hint as to what it is or contains is given to the reader.

The firefly explanation was a little too ludicrous, even though the narrator recognizes it. Do the Farro usually chase after fireflies?

[“Bomani's always been somewhat socially isolated. I might even go so far as to say he's socially inept…

Bomani barks, "Who's 'socially inept'?"] haha, I love the interjection of humor here.

Overall, very good chapter, again. You have a talent with throwing the reader right into the story. I’m not reading it, as much as experiencing it. I’m personally not a big fan of overly elaborate descriptions, but yours are just enough to engage but not tangle the reader.
Frayling0 chapter 1 . 2/3/2011
Sorry this took so long to return! University has decided to give me more than enough essays/projects/presentations to be doing haha! Anyway, in a few words, I loved this! I don't usually like 1st person perspectives, but you utilised it really well in terms of making the five senses very vivid for the reader. Some great hooks and mysterious figures to keep me reading. I really liked it, it was very intriguing, and you ended it with a nice KO ;) I've done similar in the past haha. Great work! ~ Luke, Roadhouse
Whirlymerle chapter 3 . 2/3/2011
I don’t think I’ve mentioned this, but you have very interesting names. Onion and Junktown, for instance. I wonder if there’s anything special about that?

Haha, the knee dislocation story “provoked the desired effect” in me as well. *winces* A six year old, ouch!

Wheat. That’s very unique indeed. I think it’s neat that a lot of tension in the story comes from a seemingly uninteresting source. I like your refreshingly original take on this. The action is very interesting.

Excellent chapter, as usual. Definitely keep going!

~Merle, Roadhouse
Hana Himura chapter 9 . 2/3/2011
I'm really enjoying your story. Please keep posting. x
Liya Smith chapter 9 . 2/2/2011
I think your finger must have spasmed because there are a couple typos here:

Lateef has a white piece of cloth tucked into the collar of his tappa., Hhe lifts it to his face and daps at the greasy corners of his smile.

Take out the comma after tappa and "Hhe" should be "He" !

"Are yYou looking for a fight?" Bomani snarls back.

yYou should be you

Good chapter otherwise!
Kobra Kid chapter 4 . 2/2/2011
Another good chapter! As usual, amazing writing! I really enjoy all of the characters, and I'm starting to like Bomani. He's just some paranoid prince, haha. Lateef is my favorite right about now, b/c he's Lateef and awesome. My only criticism is that we don't know what any of the characters look like. You describe movements beautifully, as well as the setting, but we don't even know what Lateef looks like besides he has faded purple eyes. Add more description in, and it'll be perfect!

Kobra Kid, Roadhouse

P.S. Payback via RFTA? Thanks!
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