Reviews for Farro
this wild abyss chapter 2 . 1/29/2011
You ended this chapter on exactly the right note - just enough to push readers into the next chapter. And your hook wasn't even the best part of this chapter. Your writing is simplistic yet effective, and it's really quite interesting.
this wild abyss chapter 1 . 1/29/2011
Hm, I rather enjoyed this. You've presented an original scene where the main protagonist is not the typical damsel in distress. I like how she's so ignorant of her surroundings because natrually, it means that she will learn things as the reader does. Often times that can become a cheap trick, but thus far, I don't think you're going to use it in that manner. On the whole, this was a new and fresh read, and I look forward to coming chapters.
Liya Smith chapter 5 . 1/29/2011
I love the action. You portray it really well. It's not overdone, which is a feat in itself. Good job again!
Hana Himura chapter 5 . 1/29/2011
I've become an update addict. Poor me.

Anyways, I really like the way this is going. Please continue!
Kobra Kid chapter 1 . 1/28/2011
Oh wow. Your descriptions were absolutely amazing. Every word you chose fit perfectly, and your flow was great as well! The first chapter was very morbid, which I like. ;) The Purple Man was a very mysterious but alluring character, but the main character was awesome! She seems like a very independent, strong, determined protagonist, which I can't wait to read more about! Anyways, wonderful work! Keep on writing!

Kobra Kid, Roadhouse

P.S. If you do not mind, can you payback via Rise From The Ashes? Thanks!
Hana Himura chapter 4 . 1/27/2011
Socially inept! Ha! That was funny! I really like the way you write this. You are very talented. Please continue!
This Account is Inactive chapter 1 . 1/27/2011
May I say first off that your descriptions are beautiful! But I have some questions... What is that thing he was holding...? It starts with a K? Some sort of weapon... You should compare it to something in the real world so we know what it looks like.

An Abyss in a building? I'm not sure that I understand that.

Maybe you should include a flashback to give us a little background on how she got there. You know, details of the kidnapping.


"I-I don't... [he jabbered occasionally]... but please! Can't you see the prison's on fire?" Shouldn't that be [I]? And you didn't put quotations on either side of that.

"Kill...[][h]im..." There should be a space between [kill] and [him] and [him] should be capitalized.

"Hardly immortal, I'm more vulnerable than ever I've been[..]" Should be three dots.

"No! I won't be led [me] so passively to Death!" I don't think that that word should be there.

"I've managed to push myself into, something of a [crouch], and I pause[:] my good arm propping me up on splayed fingers, my numb knees knocking together." [Couch]? I think that that should be a semi colon instead.

"Eater be merciful... [c]ould it have already been a year?" At the end of an ellipse... You always need to capitalize the next letter.

"I shift tenderly upon my sores and bring a hand to my [face]. With quivering fingers I brush aside the greasy hair from my [face] and I see the door and the room around it with finer clarity." I know that this doesn't always bother other people but... I don't like people to repeat words... Even if they aren't describing words... I'm sort of a freak about that. I go to online Thesauruses ALL the TIME because it makes me bug out. Yeah, I'm weird...
Liya Smith chapter 4 . 1/27/2011
I want more! The only thing soothing me right now is that you're a quick updater. Aren't many like that on Fictionpress! :)

Great job and I'll be expecting more!
Liya Smith chapter 3 . 1/27/2011
I keep getting more and more impressed with each passing chapter. I only found one mistake (very tiny, probably a typo):

"Correct," Lateef points as me, as if I were one student amongst thirty others.

As should be at.

That's all I could really find but to be honest I was too engrossed in the story to look for errors. Lovin it so far!
Liya Smith chapter 2 . 1/27/2011
This is so good. I was surprised at the fact that you've already completed the entire novel. For me, it's the other way around. I write one chapter and I get so excited and post it on Fictionpress, only to realize two days later that I have no idea where I'm going with the story. I'm glad you have much better self control than me.

As for the story, the grammar/punctuation is impeccable. I love the present tense, so that makes this story all the better.
Katerzzz chapter 1 . 1/27/2011
Hello! From the Bar :D

I loved the opening chapter, an amazing beginning, quite long but whats good is that it is brilliantly written. I really enjoyed it and think that you are a briliant writer. This feels quite odd for me as your profile says you are a teacher, and I just left secondary school last year...anway...cannot wait to read more! :D


P.S. Could you repay me back by either reviewing The Angel Waiting at Hell's Gate, or The Ghost, take your pick, I'm not fussy ;D
esthaelum chapter 1 . 1/27/2011
Wow, this a really good start so far! Your descriptions drew me in, and I just loved the atmosphere in here! I thought the ideas you had were original as well, like the Purple Man and the Great Abyss. They really made your story more... *alive*, if you know what I am mean?

Anyway, nice start so far! :D

Liya Smith chapter 1 . 1/27/2011
This was incredibly morbid. But very very very good. Although I was cringing every time her teeth bit into flesh, I was still enraptured by your diction and narration. You've set up a strong beginning!
Hana Himura chapter 3 . 1/26/2011
You got me pretty curious. Please go on.
Hana Himura chapter 2 . 1/26/2011
I wonder what's going on. Very nice and catching.
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