|Reviews for The Last Wolf Soldiers|
| SkyAdept chapter 1 . 1/31/2011
Pros: An interesting opening to a story. Characters speech traits are developed instantly and the good/bad recognition is definitely present.
Cons: Grammar, work on it, learn the proper use of the comma etc. The speech is very stop/start, try and make it flow better. Lack description, how big is this castle? Is it new? Was the wolf girl wearing anything underneath the soldier garb? Or is she naked in the cell? Needs description for explanation. Biggest advice I can give, just take to your time when writing it and write down everything that's going on in your mind. THEN play with what you've written down to make it better.
Questions: A parallel universe? So are we in Europe or where Europe would be on another plane of existence? How old are these characters? Where is the castle in Terimus? Why's he a hero? When was the war? Is the war still going? Is there a war? Who's the Emperor? What's the other kingdom called?
There's lots of questions. This is a good thing but some of these shouldn't need to be asked. Questions such as, 'Who's winning the war and why?' 'Why is Kallent a Dark Emperor? What did he do?' are the sort of questions that should be raised.
Overall: I suggest improving this chapter before starting the next. Maybe make it longer, more engaging for the reader, really wrap them up in this fantasy world!
Looking back at it again, they're in a parallel universe right? How did they get Italian bread? Haha.
| N3rd Typo chapter 1 . 1/31/2011
Nice story you've got going here. The only problem I had with your story was with this
"Hero to your people. Traitor in the eyes of some of my people, as well as in the eyes of the true traitor, the dastardly Dark Emperor who took over my kingdom. He wants to imprison all you wolves and make you into slaves, despite the fact many of my people don't support his goals. If he's gonna imprison me, he may as well imprison all his people. And why did the guards have the audacity to leave such delicious fresh french bread?" said Pronithess.
I had become confused by the random name Pronithess. It took me a matter of seconds to realize it was the name of the young female wolf.
In this sentence "He wants to imprison all you wolves and make you into slaves, despite the fact many of my people don't support his goals." I think you mistakenly mixed up your characters lol!
Other than then that I really like your story and I hope you continue with your work :) *favorites*