|Reviews for Greenville|
| TinfoilKnight chapter 1 . 2/24/2012
Nah. I like the other version better, it's funnier.
| dru83 chapter 40 . 8/31/2011
Hi, I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed your story. I liked the whole "fish out of water" aspect of the plot and I enjoyed reading about Greenville. The one thing that bugged me while I was reading your story is that you don't have any breaks between scenes. Several parts of your story have abrupt scene changes and it would be easier on your readers if you inserted some sort of break (a line of dashes, a single letter, or just a blank space) to seperate the scenes. For example, in the last several chapters there were places where you were writing about the people who were trying to save Eddie and catch Swain and then you abruptly switched to writing about Eddie and Swain. Other than that, there wasn't too much that I would change about the story. There's a few minor grammar mistakes, but not many. Anyway, I really like the story, and keep up the good work.
| RedX9 chapter 1 . 5/17/2011
ok I just read through the first chapter of the story. Its good that you developed the good cop bad cop status between eddie and bart and by the way is it edwoena or eddie? names should be consistent to prevent confusion, if its edwoena it should be edwoena all the way.
anyways back to the story, I really like how you change around the characters. Usually a woman would defend other women on their modesty, but for eddie's case, she goes against this which I feel that it is different from other female roles out there.
there is also one paragraph in the story which just feels weird to me and this is the part.
"Eddie stopped and turned to face him. "Look, I appreciate you trying to help. I really do. I am serious about Madame Wu not liking you. She did nothing but complain the whole time that we dated. I don't know why she doesn't like you, but she really doesn't."
If you notice you have written that madame Wu hates Bart for 3 times in this single paragraph which is not needed and redundant. just mention it once and it will be fine
but nevertheless a good read and a good cliffhanger at the end