Reviews for Malnourished
anachronistic chapter 1 . 4/28/2011
this is narrated in a lovely tone and i adore it.
Principessa de Medici chapter 1 . 4/17/2011
Hrmm. I liked this one. But the first line of every paragraph threw me off. It broke the natural beat of the poem. But otherwise I liked it. Liked the metaphore.
cab fed hig chapter 1 . 2/22/2011
reminds me of neruda's 'love' and you have a similar style. this is lovely
this was very emotional and a bit dark with the ashes and crumbling and skeletons running through my head.

i thought the last line was a bit weak, compared to the:

"And I fear I shall not have any lips left for first kissing.

Oh! How I despair.

More ashes to ashes are my limbs"
FixitfelixJRJRJR chapter 1 . 2/8/2011
I liked the Repetition in the first line. I also like that your love poems, or poems in general, are never really simple words. You usually include some form of metaphor throughout the piece. Instead of just saying something like, "I have no love" the metaphors make the piece much better.
this-is-silence chapter 1 . 2/7/2011

First of all, thank you for providing me with this wonderful break from my homework:)

Ah, it was so fantastic, where to start?

Oh! How I LOVED the beginning of each stanza.

I was really drawn to "There is a tender love in my diet missing; The calcium is lacking, my bones are crumbling."

Some overall great metaphorical language.

Hope you're having a good week so far!