|Reviews for The Red Rose, 1st edit|
| Young and Immortal chapter 16 . 11/27/2011
love it as always :)
| HistoryObsessed92 chapter 16 . 11/22/2011
Beautiful story! I've been told that I write stories really well, but after reading this, I am not so sure... LOL!
Your writing is REALLY good.
| SecretAgent99 chapter 1 . 11/21/2011
I think, for an opening chapter, that all the switching back and forth between the POV's of the different characters was a little confusing. Scarlett's POV seemed to me to be the roughest of the three and it was a little hard to follow. I think it would be better to just choose one character and base this first chapter off of them. I think Rose would be ideal because then you'd still be able to keep most of the scenes in this chapter without cutting out alot.
There was also alot of solid dialouge in the chapter. I think it would be good to break it up a bit with more descriptions of the characters actions and the settings that they are in.
The storyline itself seems okay. I mean, there are alot of romance stories out there, so it doesn't really catch my eye as something unique, especially with the summary that you see before you click on the link to the story. I'd try rewriting it and making it seem more suspensful/interesting. Not to say that your story is bad. It's fine, really. I just want to let you know that it seems like alot of other general stories out there, so try and put your own style on it so it'll stand out from the others. :)
Hope I Helped. -SA99
| Young and Immortal chapter 15 . 11/3/2011
this chapter is fabulous. you portray emotion beautifully.i'm jealous of you writing :)
| Young and Immortal chapter 14 . 10/10/2011
sorry it took me so long to read this! i love your descriptions. especially when you referred to William as a sculptor. that was perfect.
| Young and Immortal chapter 12 . 8/18/2011
sorry it took me a while to read this. i was too busy watching some cowboys kick some alien butt :) anyway, it was amazingly sweet :) william is such a gentleman. and they're perfect together. although, that cold is making me nervous...
| Young and Immortal chapter 11 . 8/5/2011
you most certainly filled this chapter with emotion! i was expecting william to propose at the end, at her house...but oh, well:)
| Open your eyes Chopstick chapter 1 . 8/2/2011
The writing was very nice. The words came together very smooth. And the dialogue pushed the story together. GREAT. That's awesome. And your last sentence was enough of a pull for the readers to ontinue reading on. A good cliff hanger and foreshadowing.
Here's some suggestions you may take to make your writing/story better. Hope it helps!
-Take away the A/N in the beginning. Why? Well, we should learn all those things you've said AS we read the story. You shouldn't have to tell us. Also, its not very good to tell the readers that you have no concrete idea where your story takes place. You say you do research before writing...but saying you dont have a specific setting tells me an "ehhhh so she didnt research."
-the opening sentence wasnt much of a hook. You WANT a hook. The best way to do this is to have the readers think 1 or more of the 6 why, who, what, where, when, how? What you have is just a sentene that makes the readers go "oh okay." no questions. no "i want to figure out where this leads!"
-im not a big fan of switching povs. Especially when there were so many within 1 chapter. Instead, have you thought it might be better to write in 3rd person "God" view? It'll read more smoothly and wont have the readers keep jumping from one POV to the next so fast - where it's a bit disorienting.
Good luck with this. If you can, mind R&R my story "Cecilia"? I'd love to hear your thoughts on it! Thanks!
| Young and Immortal chapter 10 . 7/27/2011
your writing is AMAZING.
for some reason, before this chapter, i kept thinking this story was going to have a happy ending. but now, i'm leaning more to sad. when william said, "i'll take you to the sea one day" (or some variation of that) i predicted rose's death.
i hope it has a happy ending! but don't tell me :)
| Young and Immortal chapter 9 . 7/9/2011
i love this :) william is such a gentleman. one suggestion, william always makes remarks on rose's appearance. i have a clear image in my mind on what she looks like. perhaps you should have rose note william's appearance because i'm not really sure what he looks like. have fun in spain! i'm working a new story that i think you will enjoy :)
| stupidcowauthor chapter 8 . 6/28/2011
sorry i didn't log in to give you a "signed and verified" review. i get lazy on summer break:P i love your writing! i'm soooo glad you updated. i can't wait to see where this goes :) i hope they end up together...
| Young and Immortal chapter 7 . 3/31/2011
sorry it took me a while to review this chapter. i've been so busy lately. i really liked this chapter. it's so sad :( poor rose. i can't wait to see what happens. and i picture this in england. oh and make sure you put words from other languages in italics. update soon!
| angellover254 chapter 1 . 3/11/2011
I love your writing style, it's so good! William seem cute, and Rose at first, I'm wondering why is she dating guys who are older then her, even though she doesnt like them? But now I hoping that they end up together:]
| Young and Immortal chapter 6 . 3/9/2011
aw :P they were so perfect. and then that line : 'this is where it ends'. it was really powerful. update soon! on and i listened to beethoven's moonlight sonata and it went perfectly with this.
| Young and Immortal chapter 5 . 3/5/2011
this chapter is so beautiful and sweet. it's my favorite so far. i loved the when you were describing the dance, your writing flowed like the waltz