|Reviews for Lesson of the Songbirds|
| TuneOut chapter 1 . 7/15/2011
Spelling/Grammar: I didn't spot any mistakes so I can tell you proofread. Your grammar and spelling didn't detract from the story at all and my pleasure in reading it did not lessen because of it.
Techniques: While I appreciate the fact that it was supposed to feel like oral tradition, I didn't feel engaged in the story. You didn't really show me any of the action and merely conveyed the history. I think to avoid that, you could have incorporated the actions of the little girl and father. That way you can tell the story but also show it at the same time.
Opening: I was not very intrigued by the opening. Starting with "long long time ago" didn't grab my attention.
Plot: I think the premise is very interesting. You were able to create a complex world, however, I think your story would be better told if it was longer and further elaborated on. I could see this becoming a full length novel. I think it was too ambitious for the length that it is.
Well done though!
| Carnival's Child chapter 1 . 5/16/2011
A beautiful, simplistic telling of a story just mad enough to be true. Nice work.
| UNDERLANDERfromtheOVERLAND chapter 1 . 2/12/2011
what a sweet little story! where did you get the song from?