Reviews for Fleeing into Exodus
Kisho chapter 3 . 3/31/2011
Wah, this one was interesting, lots of stuff happening now :o

Well, this is really cool! I think you might have worked up to this one kind of slowly, but it was interesting... maybe even more interesting because of the slow build-up. :3

I just wanted to say, though, it still kind of bugs me a bit, did I mention it before, I forget. ... Your descriptions are too long-winded! You have too many adjectives and adverbs, just using a more specific noun/verb instead of an adjective-noun/adverb-verb pair can make it much more interesting to read _

But, well, I'll still be waiting for more! :3
Kisho chapter 2 . 3/23/2011
Eh, you updated again, I was starting to wonder if something was up. :O

But still, this is cool! Very surreal, it's a vividly imagined landscape. I'm impressed again by your creative sense here _

Still, to be honest... it only really gets interesting around the second half of the chapter. I mean, well, it's a really fascinating thing you're doing, with the dream world and all, but... I mean, for a while, nothing's happening, and you're just elaborating on stuff that isn't too terribly interesting. (Yeah, musical tulips on the whale-harboring transparent earth, not too terribly interesting... readers are strange xD)

Also, one thing that really bugs me is your general lack of pronouns... you keep saying Sibley, Sibley, Sibley, when... she's the only one there for most of it, so there's no real problem with using "she" anyway _'

Well, maybe I'm being harsh, that's just how I feel though _' Anyway do keep writing! I was worried you stopped writing this, but maybe I'm being impatient xD But yeah, keep writing and I'll keep reading. _
Kisho chapter 1 . 2/16/2011
This is really interesting... The tone, the pace, even the narration, everything is so transcendent. Your little English details like "show, not tell," smooth sentence structure, even flow, and so on could use improvement, but you're really good at taking an interesting, original idea and capitalizing on it totally. I'll be waiting for more from you! :3