|Reviews for Wand (ワンド)|
| Ryou Arubin chapter 2 . 1/5/2013
Wow! I really loved your writing! The dialogues flow very well and the plot is great for a first chapter!
The cast were interesting too, and I can relate Kasumi to one of the members in the disciplinary committee of my school. (I always get yelled at for untidy attire and not wearing my tie -.-)
Takato seemed somewhat unfriendly towards Sora. Is it because of the circumstances they are in or because of some reasons? But Sora's character is definitely interesting. She remained positive even though Takato seemed uninterested in her.
Aw, the cliffhanger at the end. That boy definitely has to be the one Sora's looking for! I just know it XD
| kingofe3 chapter 18 . 1/5/2013
A very informative chapter and that was a pretty good fight scene.
| kingofe3 chapter 17 . 1/5/2013
It was kinda funny. I enjoy conversations between characters.
| Lord Slayer chapter 23 . 1/4/2013
Another good battle scene.
You need to work on redundancies. I notice that a lot of things get mentioned over-and-over after you've already mentioned them once, like Hikaru's golden light rapier, or the three flaming arrows, or Sora's raven hair. Once you've mentioned what something looks like it's only on rare occasions that you need to mention that description again, less you run the risk of seeming condescending towards your readers. It also tends to slow down battle scenes, which benefit from shorter sentences. Just say "Hikaru's rapier," or arrows.
| Lord Slayer chapter 22 . 1/4/2013
If I could offer a suggestion: Steel seems too specific for an elemental power. There are many different kinds of metal in the world with a ton of properties that you could make use of. (not to mention steel doesn't occur naturally). Why not give yourself more options and make it the element of Metal instead?
| Lord Slayer chapter 21 . 1/4/2013
Noo! Not mind control on Sayuriiiii!
| William Kayspear chapter 23 . 1/4/2013
That! Was! Amazing! The battles are epic and so are you're characters update soon!
| Lord Slayer chapter 20 . 1/4/2013
Gaah! Stop acting like you're going to give vital information and then interrupt! You're driving me crazy with the suspense! Kidding. ;)
"Hey there, old man! Didn't know you're coming!"
- You're is a compound for "you are." It should be "you were."
| Lord Slayer chapter 15 . 1/4/2013
Going back over this part with the way Wands and Wizards work makes me wonder if you've read Negima! before.
| Lord Slayer chapter 14 . 1/4/2013
Hmm. Ze plot thickens. And why am I now French?
Something I've been wondering: Can an infinite caster actually use an unlimited amount of magic, or is there some limit to what they can do?
| Lord Slayer chapter 12 . 1/4/2013
Seems weird that Katashi would look down on both the unempowered and Wands. Especially if he's going through all the trouble to collect a Sacred Wand like Sora.
One thing that kind of bothered me structurally was this: "We advise you not to bring any of your friends from Azimura High. If you do so and we will ALWAYS know if you do so, we cannot assure their safety."
- The part "and we will always know," isn't needed, because of course they'll know if she shows up with friends.
Good job all the samel, though.
| Lord Slayer chapter 11 . 1/3/2013
Cool. Hopefully there'll be more acion soon.
| Lord Slayer chapter 10 . 1/3/2013
Hmm, interesting back story for Sayuri and Shiori. Is such an arrangement common with old magical families? I hope the families of wizards/wands comes up again later.
I always feel like the scenery is a little bare. Like in the first scene we know basically nothing of their surroundings. We only know about the pillars when you needed them. Telling us about the scenery can be a great way to immerse readers into the scene and build up the atmosphere. At least experiment with them.
| Ryou Arubin chapter 1 . 1/3/2013
Hello there! This is a nicely done prologue you have here!
Although you stated it in your summary that Sora returned to her hometown to find the mysterious boy, I was wondering if that's the only reason, since after reading the part about her being separated from her father since ten years ago. But nonetheless, this prologue did show a little background about Sora's family, which appears to be quite complicated.
Your descriptions were really great and vivid, although you may want to tone down a little as I felt that the pace was slightly affected as a result.
Other than that, you have done a great job with the prologue. Onto the next chapter!
| Katsurou Shimizu chapter 2 . 1/3/2013
Hold on, the MC is a soccer player? I like her already! Which position does she play in and what club does she support? XD
I don't really like Sora's mother; she seems too overbearing for my tastes (almost to the point I wanted to defend Toru against my wishes), though I can see how it can make the story a lot more juicy in terms of family conflict and all that. But real life, give me predictable mothers any day.
And although I don't read much shoujo mangas, this story has the feel of it from the giggly conversations between Sora and her friends, and that bishounen description of said boy at the end of the chapter. A nice change for a read.
[Yukimino Sora left the train, rolling behind her is her traveling bag]
- This sentence sounded awkward, so maybe something like "Yukimino Sora left the train with her traveling bag rolling behind her."
[It did not need much concentration however, the roads were almost deserted]
- a semicolon would be more appropriate perhaps? Or maybe replace "however" with "since"
["It's France, Dad, in Paris," Sora corrected her]
- her should be 'him'?