foodie98 chapter 1 . 2/23/2011
OHMYGOD what happened the end! this is super awesome!
Jeremy C chapter 1 . 2/21/2011
Haunted houses with chainsaw maniacs that turns out to be a dream, or was it? stories are a bit cliched, but that's okay as long as it is entertaining.

You made some mistakes throughout the story.

'I'm going to be called the biggest wimp in Evans heads'

Change 'Evans' to Evan's. Also, omit the 's' in 'heads'

'I then walked into that room what looked like the lounge room.'

Change 'what' to 'that'.

There are some other mistake like the ones above throughout the story. It's no big deal, if you do a quick run through your story I'm sure you'll find them. I'm not going to post all of the mistakes here because it would seem kind of pointless, what with them all being similar to the mistakes I already pointed out.

I think the real problem was that the story didn't strike me as scary, but kind of funny, to be honest. The sort of story one would make at a campfire, and then he/she and all their friends would laugh about it after they finish. You know what I mean?

Still though, it was entertaining. Oh, also, try to avoid using capital words, like DEAD, or STILL (you used these words in the story). I understand that you're putting emphasis on these words, but italicizing them would work just as fine and IMO make the story take a more serious tone.

Overall, good work.

Jeremy C