|Reviews for The Lions of England|
| Luis chapter 1 . 8/28/2011
The story has some real potential and I am only on the first chapter. You do have a talent for writing. Fix up some of the obvious errors you had and you can come post your story in the brand new website that I am administrating.
And you seem to be the sort of chap who likes history.
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 3 . 7/8/2011
I think this story needs a little more action to drive the plot along. Other than that, looks good
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 1 . 7/7/2011
good! Only have time to read about a chapter a day. Sad face!
| Sapphire at Dawn chapter 1 . 4/13/2011
For a first story, this isn't bad. You've got a talent for storytelling, that's for sure.
I did feel this chapter was a bit short, but perhaps it's just a prologue. I didn't get much of a feel for the characters, especially Gilbert. Since he's your main character, it would have been nice to learn a little bit more about him in this first chapter just to set the scene.
'Despite her death, the war continued in the form of Henry, Count of Anjou.'
Do you mean the Empresses death? She actually died in 1167 in Rouen, long after Henry had suceeded to the throne. She effectively gave up her own fight in 1141, though her son did continue to, though it was for his own name rather than hers.
You also refer to Henry as 'Duke' throughout the chapter, despite saying he was Count of Anjou in the beginning. The title of 'Duke' wasn't actually invented until the reign of Edward I in the fourteenth century when he bestowed the title on his son, the Black Prince.
Other than that, I didn't think it was too bad. It certainly has promise.
| AFellowofImpeccableCharacter chapter 3 . 3/7/2011
I really enjoed this seen, you have a very special skill of building tension especially in a very important political scene like this one! Please...Please...Please continue this!
PS: The next chapter of my story is up, it is not the prologue but the first part of James Knight's adventures!
| AFellowofImpeccableCharacter chapter 2 . 3/7/2011
I like this story and the way it's continuing just a couple of pet peeves (You used all but twice in tow sentences) but honestly this is good work and I am enjoying the story, keep it up!
| AFellowofImpeccableCharacter chapter 1 . 2/22/2011
This looks quite good, please continue. No obvious grammar or spelling mistakes