|Reviews for Forgiveness|
| Weird Girl 14 chapter 29 . 2/27/2012
This story has great potential!
Same thing as I said in a previous review:
Work on the details-more thoughts! More emotions! More detail about everything! Scenery, emotions, looks, everything!
Now, once again, you should work on the flow of transitioning-from one chapter to another. Bring some flow into it all! This will help improve your story!
The chapters are short-though, who said the length of a chapter defines the greatness of a story? But, the chapter structures seems...how I say? Speed through? But that's fine, I did that a lot when I started out, also!
This can easily be solved with more detail and adding transitions from one event to another by describing things. I really like your beginnings, they really draw a reader in with interest. But as you continue on, there's less, how I say, "meat" in the story? This could potentially lose your readers. Just add more "meat" to it!
Simple exercises for detailing and describing is by looking around at every day things and just...describe them! Every bit of detail of them-but not too detail where you bore people! In your head, okay, but look at an object, and WRITE IT DOWN-the descriptions! How it looks, texture, feel, everything! Go outside and describe the warmth of the sun or the wetness of the rain! This really does help!
And make sure you don't get lazy with chapters! Don't post until you're absolutely done! Work hard at it! Fight through laziness! But in Chair!
You do have great potential, I can see it in your writing-you just need to bring it out more! I truly, TRULY, ACTUALLY TRULY *BELIEVE* that if you continue your hard effort and strive for your stories and writing with confidence and focus, you will become a great publisher/author one day!
I do like your stories, they interest me!
| Achilles Estrada chapter 26 . 12/12/2011
I like the cow, she sounds cute. :)
| Achilles Estrada chapter 23 . 11/16/2011
Just finished chapter 23 and it kinda scared me a little. I feel for these characters and I don't want bad things to happen, but I also want to know what happens next. :)
| Achilles Estrada chapter 20 . 11/6/2011
Still very intriguing. I’m getting caught up from what I missed. I like the short bursts of information in your chapters. It makes the story pop a little more. Keep it up.
One editorial note.
Third line from the bottom.
“I think it's best if I do it…you SEE to still be in pain." The man said moving the spoon to the boys' mouth.”
I think SEE should be Seem.
| Achilles Estrada chapter 1 . 10/27/2011
I really enjoyed the read. It left me wanting more, which is nice except for the fact that I'm going to be thinking about this story until you write the next part, so GET A WORK'N!
| MyBadLanguage chapter 4 . 9/25/2011
I love this story. It is short and sweet.
| MyBadLanguage chapter 2 . 9/18/2011
| Chesnut chapter 1 . 2/26/2011
I really am glad you are posting again! This is so good!