|Reviews for Sparrow, Like a War|
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 3/13/2011
Beautiful writing style. Loved the images and emotions weaved into this short piece. I feel like I would've liked to know even more about these people and their mission, but you had a word limit so this is the best possible outcome. I love the connection to the sparrow and the overall despair of this piece.
Good job and good luck in WCC!
| Nesasio chapter 1 . 3/9/2011
You had some really cool stuff in here. I liked the part at the beginning about the others on the ship, the two women who killed themselves and Custer going crazy. The description there was cool because the narration had a calm, almost jaded view that really worked for the content. I was a little annoyed that there was no clear description of what their mission was. I wanted to know why they were sent out on this one-way trip, and how that'd help things. There were some typos, too, but nothing distracting.
Good luck in the WCC!
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 3/6/2011
Excellent job this month. I was quite happy to see you writing at such a high caliber. I did notice a few typos in here, but nothing too distracting. It was quite interesting to read; hooked me just like that, too.
My only complaint is that we're just a detail or two short about what's going on in this war. Can we get at least some vague idea of what their mission is? My guess was that they were going to crash into a space station, a planet, or a city somewhere, but I had no idea.
So, good job! I really did have fun reading this one. Best of luck in the WCC!
| Narq chapter 1 . 3/5/2011
To be honest, I did quite understand this.
I think your characters were on a mission, and it was very difficult/people lost hope and died or committed suicide. But I didn't actually get the theme or idea behind what you were trying to portray. Oh, but in the end I think I kind of understood, this team is dying to save the rest of the world, right?
left gestating inside both his wife and his mistress.
- at first I thought that gestating was a strange word to use, becuase normally one wouldn't say that, but then I realised that this was an alternate word/ more scientific maybe? So it is okay, after all.
The paragraphs following though the one describing Custer, was a bit of an info dump for me.
Also, I thought that saying Custer was the last one to die was a bit misleading because I thought Custer had died and then the others (Josie and Mick Kelley) were still alive - this is confusing.
Good luck for the WCC!
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 3/1/2011
I liked the way you described the situation here. It was unique, and though it verged to summarizing and telling in some places, I feel that it achieved your purpose. However, the writing itself was lacking a little in presentation. There were a few sentences that were worded awkwardly and some grammatical errors that distracted me as a reader. But on the whole, I thought this was a solid piece.
Good luck in the WCC!