|Reviews for Longing On the Dance Floor|
| WoodpeckerWho chapter 1 . 6/19/2011
[Technical] I like the repetition of 'had nothing to do with...' For me, it gave a substantial form to the poem, which I enjoy seeing in poetry. It created an almost jerking contrast between the prior and latter lines around it, which I felt fitted in with the poem itself.
[Word Play] I find the imagery created by 'chaotic carousel' beautiful. The description really does sum up the swirling madness of a dance floor, and to sum it up in such a creative way really emboldens the sense of turmoil to me.
[Punctuation] To me, the use of no punctuation didn't really work well, and that is my only negative. It was a little hard to follow in places due to this, and I felt that it caused a lack of emphasis. However, I can semi-understand the reason behind it, but think that even a few full stops to separate the poem into the three main stanzas which I could see would fix it.
[Subject] I did like the subject. Whilst it has a set topic, there is also a lot of room for thoughts created by the open-ends. I felt that there was a lot of mystery through-out it, as why the narrator's thought certain things. eg. 'my fingers shaking in my own pockets'.
| NearlyPrescient chapter 1 . 3/4/2011
excellent imagery, but it felt like there were a few spots were it was disconnected and didn't quite flow. the very last part of the second stanza stands out as an example. I think it's more to do with the 'nothing to do' device being a little unclear. if it's meant to emphasize the distance between the two, I feel like it could be more focused or used more effectively, and if it's meaning is something else entirely, it missed me.
still, great work :]
| smoke another grin chapter 1 . 3/4/2011
I like your words, and the images they project. But I think the stars don't necessarily add to the poem, maybe kind of break up the flow of it. Also, in case you were having trouble with the lines sticking together, press shift when you press enter on the word document. I had trouble with that too. P
But pretty well done overall.