Reviews for I'll Never Make You Cry |
---|
![]() ![]() ![]() This story is very cute! You've done well so far. I hope they get more comfortable soon ;) Logan kinda reminds me of my boyfriend; haha. :) oh and could you also tell us what Logan and Naomi look like? Please and thanks! Update more soon :) amazing job once again (: |
![]() ![]() ![]() Pretty good so far. I can't see anything wrong outside of a few grammar and spelling mistakes. It's a entertaining story and I'm enjoying every chapter of it. More showing instead of telling is important, though. Instead of saying "the weird stuff starts getting really freaky now," you can describe the movie scenes. It also looks like the relationship itself is a bit odd. In one scene they're embarrassed to even talk to each other, and then suddenly she's in his arms and sleeping on his shoulder. The story just seems to be moving a little quickly. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Still enjoying it so far. Update soon! |
![]() ![]() ![]() The way you write from chapter one to now has definitely improved, especially the way you wrote the quotations, and the explanations. However, i noticed some grammar errors, I reccomend a spellchecker. Though, overall, the story plot is intriguing, please continue to upload more chapters! |
![]() ![]() ![]() I like how you present both POVs. Update soon! |
![]() ![]() ![]() AWSOME JOB :D It's little dino x3 It's uber cute |
![]() ![]() ![]() First off, let me say that I can see some serious improvement from your first chapter. If you hadn't spaced things out by the second chapter, then I wasn't going to continue. I feel strange saying this because I feel it's something I struggle with as well, but, I feel like you're telling more than showing - as in, saying something like "the room is messy," instead of showing us that "clothes covered the floor, sat in corners, and peeked out from underneath an up-turned basket." Do you see what I mean? I don't want to be told that Logan likes her, I want to see it and, more importantly, I want to see WHY he likes her (and vice-versa). Also, I'm going to suggest that you get a beta reader to catch spelling and grammar errors. Everything else aside, I noticed that you said that you intend to give your story a tragic ending. Now that, that's intriguing. I'm a huge fan of not-so-happily ever afters. |
![]() ![]() ![]() This is a very nice story so far. ) |
![]() ![]() ![]() Sorry but I just have to say this because of the sentece and half in the middle of the chapter; JUSTN BIEBER NEEDS TO BE PUSHED OF A CLIFF AND LAND BACK IT CANADA SO HE CAN LEAVE US AMERICAN alONE! Nothing agianst Canadians in general, just Justin Beieber |
![]() ![]() ![]() Just a few things; It makes it muc easier to put spaces in between diaglog I.E: "Oh, I'm doing fine..." [ "Blah blah blah" Secondly very nice sentence structure Lasty, I look forward to reading the next chapters ~Among the Hidden |