*cracks knuckles* Alrighty. So! Review.

Congrats on the first chapter! You have a very interesting concpet going on and I'm excited to see where you'll take it. This has great potential my friend.

There are only two problems (from my opinion) that seem to glare at me after reading this through. They're small. I think, once you start hammering out your next chapters, they'll slowly disappear as your writing skills start to advance again.

First off, I think you use 'Amy' too much. I feel like I'm being beat to death by a giant stamp with that name. It's like: "HER NAMES AMY DAMNIT! REMEMBER IT! REMEMBER IT WEL!

At one point I think you had it in three consecutive sentences.

But it's just a thought. :)

The second 'problem,' (remember I had to glaringly look for stuff, so I'm just being nit picky.) the second problem I notice is you don't vary your sentences. Often times they're all the same length, so after a time it gets boring to read. Switch it up a bit. It'll keep your reader focused.

Other than that I think you have a good start going. I await to see more. :)

-TL

Interesting beginning. To many paragraphs in a manner of speaking in my opinion. Seems to be a good concept and idea. Continue with it.

Loved it. I'm not expert or writer myself but it was brilliant, it makes me want to read more find out what makes Ella a hero, what kind of powers as paladins they may have, and in general what happens next after initiation. You did a really good job on the details like I knew what everything looked like, like I was there. I demand a second chapter :P

ps. I really want some cheese cake now :D

The bad:

- "And now without further ado, we shall start the knighting."

This sentence seems to be intended to be cliff-hangery, but it falls a little flat. Maybe because you're talking about knighting, and our perception of knighting is that it is grand. Anyway, not bad, just could be plumped up a bit.

All in all, an excellent "rewrite." Although it's so different I wouldn't call it that, just vaguely familiar.

Well, I may be a bit biased. However, this is really well-done.

The good things:

- You have infused your story with an energy. Some stuff you read may be technically good, but there is just no spark. You have it, congratulations.

- Your main character is not annoying.

- Intrigue. I'm assuming from your tastes and the genre you labeled it as it's going to be supernatural/fantasy, but it could go any way. Also, I don't know what's going on, but whatever it is, I like it.

- Demon butt-kicking. There is not enough of it in this world for my taste.

The bad (not really):

-