|Reviews for Fade To Black|
| M I'm your Nero to your Dante chapter 1 . 3/10/2011
Even though didn't put much imaginary in the first paragraph I liked what you didn't and it seemed to have enough details to set the pace of the story.
The criticism that I find for this chapter is that "Nocturnal Children" seems more like vampires so I would think of going to bed at dawn than 3am like you imagined.
Otherwise Good Job!
| iRemedy chapter 1 . 3/9/2011
"he responded, 'living.'" should be 'live.'
i suggest including some imagery in the beginning. it's hard to tell what going on. pretty much just imagining two people standing in purgatory answering questions.
"Well morning really, but it was early enough for the nocturnal children to be asleep, or just starting to." is kind of confusing. is it night, or is the sun coming up? if it's night, why are the 'nocturnal children asleep' instead of active?
typo: "Masquerades when out of style years ago." instead of "Masquerades went out of style years ago."
"How ironic. Hers was too."
it wasn't ironic, it was coincidental.
Typo: "Drown you." instead of drawn
"And today was his turn for the early shift." doesn't need the 'and'.
"and slowly took one from off then the other." needs to be re-written
"But that wasn't why he paid attention to the kid" doesn't need the 'but'
"Damn if looks could kill." needs a comma after 'damn'
"Orion looked away, "his pale face turning a little rosy." typo with the open quotes before 'his'
I suggest working on imagery a little since you jump around a bit in the beginning, it would help the reader a lot.
Hope my suggestions helped, look forward to updates