|Reviews for The Troubleshooting Reality Blog|
| Michael Panush chapter 1 . 3/13/2011
Well, your writing has some improvements. Some of the bad issues are removed, but a few are still present. This series seems interesting, but still has problems to overcome. If you can work on that, it will be much better, and be a lot of fun to read. Let's talk about the characters, plot, writing, and a final note on technical details.
Now the characters are actually an improvement over your usual group. The main character's pretty non-descript, but at least he's not a self-righteous jerk. The others seem kind of normal, like the police officer, who is totally unremarkable, or uneven, like Dr. Martoli, who seems normal at first, but then he's a mad scientist who made a flesh-eating robot? The werewolf guy was interesting. I'd like more screentime of him. Just make sure he's not a total stereotype, which he is in danger of becoming. Your dialogue was greatly improved. The werewolf sounded different from the main character, who sounded different from Martoli. Good job there, and please do more of that.
The plot was very basic. They fight an evil robot, find it and kill it. Having Martoil being behind it was a nice twist, though. But it was still pretty basic. You didn't give me any revelation about the power of technology, any insights to the characters, or moral dilemnias that had to encounter. So, it was decent, but it all flowed, and there weren't any plot holes or confusing things. So, okay, good job. But try and do better next time.
The writing was also a bit better than your usual stuff. Some metaphors didn't work, but you had a few good ones. 'Smoke from a chimney in winter' was perfect. But other metaphors you used were cliches, or just sounded wierd. "Narrow columns of meat I call my legs"? What the hell is that? Sounds like calling eyes "orbs of sight" in Eye of Argon. When you're working on metaphors, try and make sure they make sense.
Finally, the technical details were a problem. I'm not talking about basing things off of real technology, which was actually really cool. I'm talking about putting them all at the end of the story, and interrupting the story for lots of technobabble. You can include those details in dialogue and Dave's thoughts, without cramming them all the end. Just have him say 'a robot animal, eh? like that one in Florida, right?' or something similar. This will give your readers the cool info, without making them read a bunch of technical details at the end. Then there's the matter of the guns. I've got some news for you - no one really cares what kind of guns the characters are using. It adds nothing to their characters, or the story. I know you like guns, but giving me the serial numbers of each make and model is unncessary. Just say 'automatic pistol' or 'shotgun' and that's all I want.
You have some cool ideas in here, but remember that those ideas alone don't make a good story. You can't make a story good just by throwing in a werewolf duo-wielding shotguns. Give me interesting plots and characters that are interesting and complex, with insights into why they do what they do, and you'll have a good story. I'll stay tuned, but try to work on those.