|Reviews for Speechless|
| YasuRan chapter 1 . 6/4/2011
Courtesy of the Review Marathon (link in my profile).
The quiet tone of this piece matches the observant quality of the narrator. The language is also apt for this approach with the vocabulary being simple, rather than flowery. It was a good idea to separate 'Then he picked up a guitar' from the rest of the verses as an individual stanza, given that the quiet tone is kept consistent throughout the poem. It provides the dramatic interlude needed to kickstart the transformation.
On the whole, the image is powerful one that has been simply portrayed. Well done!
| darkershadeofpale chapter 1 . 5/19/2011
This is very pretty. I suppose, in some ways, it reminds us all of someone we know.
You've a way with words that I like, and there's so much here that you leave unsaid - which is a good thing, because it lets us fill in the gaps for ourselves as readers, without ever being sure that we're right.
My favourite line? "Then he picked up a guitar"
| dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 3/21/2011
I love the topic of this! I've seen a lot of poems and stories about guitar players on this site, but this one is really unique. Very creative image with the music substituting for his words. There are a lot of interesting emotions tied it with it, plus it made for a good story to tell.
Writing-wise, I thought this had great flow and word choice. The words fit together and just about every phrase made a great image.
["When he is older,"
we would say, "he will not get far."] I liked those lines. It was a welcome change to insert dialogue and I like the vague implication of "we."
[And the shadows shaped a soul] If you don't mind the nitpick, I thought this could have done without the "and." I enjoyed the isolated effect of the previous line, so it was a shame to diminish that impact by continuing off of it.
Very nice piece.
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 3/20/2011
I was going to do this for the RG, but I decided that it would be better to do this as a very deep, freelance review, just because I like it so much.
One thing I want to point out is that you capitalize the first letter of every line. That really grabs people's attention and makes them focus on that first word, and that's not always a good thing. You might want to consider eliminating the capitalization except for where it is mandated by normal grammar rules. I know that I found it distracting as a reader.
Also, I am so happy that I've just found another poet who uses something besides commas and periods. I love your dashes in this poem. Excellent usage.
My favorite part of this poem is the story. I knew a kid like this once, and it even echoes my own experience a little bit.
I liked your use of internal rhyme, but I think that the rhyme of far and guitar hurts. It comes across as really cliche. I like that you leave the line "Then he picked up a guitar" by itself. It gives it a lot more power.
I also love the enjambment in the line "A-B-C; one, two, three; he left me". It hints at something - maybe a friendship, maybe a romance, maybe a relationship in which the speaker used to consider him/her-self superior - that the speaker used to have with the quiet boy. Whatever it is, it tingles the imagination. Great stuff.
Your language was thought provoking and insightful. I especially liked the repetition of "shadows". It adds a layer of simultaneous darkness and emptiness to the piece that wasn't there otherwise.
Overall, a very powerful and though-provoking piece. A little bit of editing here and there, and I think it will be nearly perfect.
Favorite? I think so.
| Simply Prettyful chapter 1 . 3/16/2011
It sounds just like someone I know. Except it wasn't guitar for him, it was singing. He has the most amazing voice I've ever heard!
| bewareoftheturtles chapter 1 . 3/15/2011
i loved this! even though he was quiet did not mean he had deep thoughts.
| punctured.lungs chapter 1 . 3/12/2011
beautiful. whoever this is written about, i'm happy for him. a wonderful poem, thanks for sharing.
| PurpleFog chapter 1 . 3/11/2011
okayy. . . i love this. i freaking love this.
AWESOME JOB! 8-D