Reviews for The End
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 5/1/2011
Thanks for participating in Aprils Review Marathon. Sorry for the delayed review... stupid fp being down. I am reviewing this story per your request, but keep in mind stories are not my forte...

First off it seemed like there were too many commas for my taste. The way I've learned you don't need a comma before every and unless it's a list of three or more. So it seemed a bit much for me.

Also at times you capitalize He as if the writer is god, but at other times you don't and you never capitalize His which you would if it was suppossed to be the same idea as with God. You might want to make that a bit more consistent.

"We might not have much time left. Let's make the most of what time what we have left.".. seemed repetitive "Let's make the most of it." I think would fit just as well and be less wordy and redundant.

I really liked the piece though. I thought the idea behind it was so great and original. I also think you captured the characters pretty well. More Lyanne and Shau Rayne, but still. I also liked the ending. I was going to be so sad if they died so that was a really great and happy twist.
UNDERLANDERfromtheOVERLAND chapter 1 . 3/13/2011
oh my god! this was one of the best things I've ever read!
Centrifugal Convexity chapter 1 . 3/12/2011
Nice, man! Deep, too. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out.

Wishing you luck with your future writing endeavors,