I love this idea and Extravagant man rocks! There were a few things that should probably edited.

"I lightly gasps, I probably shouldn't have uttered a word." This sentence needs to be rewritten, "I lightly gasps" is just incorrect. "I gasped lightly.." would be a little better but "I took in a small gasp.." or something like that would sound even better in my opinion.

There are other small things like this through out the chapter, if you read this out loud you can probably spot them right away. Great story and I look forward to reading more.