Reviews for cinnamon&you
thewhimsicalbard chapter 13 . 5/23/2011
[RG - Poems - Easy Fix]

You pick the most interesting titles for your pieces. This is obviously a very terse piece, so the title is very important.

"twisted pretzels". Hmm. What does it mean?

I'm imagining someone eating a pretzel, and at the very end, it sort of hurts the musician - takes a part of him away - because the speaker is right about him being afraid to express himself. I like the idea, but the imagery is a little bit vague at times - I didn't like that too much. Perhaps you could add just a little more detail.

On an unrelated note, I did love the last two lines. The arrangement there was nearly perfect. I especially loved the dimension it added to the speaker.

simpleplan13 chapter 4 . 3/20/2011
I love the title because it relates to the blue in the piece and adds the element of love which wasn't blatantly put forward in the piece. It was nice and subtle to add it to the title instead.

I like the ambiguity of the piece. Personally it reminded me of someone who had died, but it could also be about an ex or a family member who just left or even a friend you're no longer in touch with. It's great that so much is up for interpretation by the reader.

I love that last line because it makes the emotion so much stronger than just the first two lines. The only thing is I wasn't really a fan of it being italicized. It just didn't seem to need to be emphasized 'cause it already stood out as so powerful in relation to rest of the piece.

PS Check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (links in my profile)
simpleplan13 chapter 3 . 3/20/2011
The beginning confused me a bit. I didn't get the plastic chairs and how they fit in and also how you would fit under blue chairs...

Anyway, I liked the piece. Your description of what would happen in you screamed was great. The symbolism in it bouncing back meaning no response from them was great. Comparing it to a crime was great as well.

I also liked the ending. It's true that when we really love someone we also end up saying we don't love them a bagillion times before we admit it.
simpleplan13 chapter 2 . 3/20/2011
The beginning of the piece was good because you gave the reader an idea of who the narrator and this other person are just by what they're studying in school. Which is a great subtle way to do that. The sharing of philosophy was also a great touch especially with the title of the piece.

I like that last line. I think it's relateable to almost everyone and I also think it works with the title because I don't know kinda is life in a nutshell.
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/20/2011
I like the first stanza a lot. The word wander was an creative choice for the movement of the hand. It works to kinda make it seem like you had no control over it. The personification of nails living was great too.

"it makes me wonder,"... I don't think you need the comma there. 'Cause you would say "it makes me wonder if I should" as one sort of phrase.

I was confused a bit with the second stanza as to how their scent would get on you. It seemed like that would imply more of a romantic relationship than a friendship.

I did like the last stanza though. I think it was sad and I think the italics worked really well.

PS Check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (links in my profile)
this wild abyss chapter 1 . 3/19/2011
I liked the emotion in this piece, short though it was. It wasn't gaudy or overly flamboyant; instead it was real and personable. Lovely.

The word choice here was excellent as well. It really added to the depth of the piece.

From the Review Marathon (link in profile)
dragonflydreamer chapter 4 . 3/18/2011
Half of me loves this, half of me says "meh."

The control of the tone is interesting. The first two lines are so casual and you trap the readers into thinking it'll stay that way. Then, all of a sudden, the last line is right to the heartstrings. It's a real BAM! ending.

I just feel this needs...more. It might have been a cool transition piece in here, but it looks like this is the end of the collection. I loved the other poems so much that I really can't feel this did them justice.

~Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
dragonflydreamer chapter 3 . 3/18/2011
Love the reversal in this. The last stanza has such a "wait...what?" effect that it more or less forced me to read this twice. Great way to thoroughly engross the reader.

[but it is./or..] Hm. Didn't like these as much as I wanted to. Visually, they look odd with such defined stanzas. It also lessened the blow of the last stanza, at least to me.

Really like the piece, though, especially the images of the theatre. You're really hitting my life spot-on XD
dragonflydreamer chapter 2 . 3/18/2011
Wow. I know this is a pretty serious piece, but I'm bursting out laughing because this SO reminds me of one of my friends. It's just...perfect. Which translating into an intelligent review: Love the subject. Very relatable to the point of making me grin like an idiot.

[i don't know.] Ah, yes. Perfect ending. I like this in contrast with someone who's in the sciences. Even if they don't know /exactly/ what they want, there's really more of a sense of direction there than with the arts, isn't it? You're definitely playing to the right audience with putting this on FP.
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 3/18/2011
[and i bite off any nail that was growing,

they know by now they won't live.] I love these lines! Such an interesting image.

Intersting ending, too. Reading this, I wasn't at all expecting it to be about a friend. Is it the feeling of abandonment from a good friend, or maybe someone who was more? I like that you never actually define that, so readers can fill in their own blanks.

I love the central image of cinnamon. Smell and taste are the least used senses in poetry, so it's very strong to bring them out. I wish you had given it significance, though. It's a strong image, but no meaning other than a vague sense that it ties to this person.

This left a great impression, being the first poem of yours I've read. You'll definitely be seeing more of me!

~Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)