Reviews for Velvet Thoughts
thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 7/31/2011
"Green glass". Sick image. I approve.

You sometimes rhyme here, but sometimes you don't. It's odd, different, but I like it.

Once again, I can see that notebook-fresh style in your poems again. It's refreshingly simple.

Nice job, man. Thanks for the other review you left me too.

-twb
Loqwell chapter 1 . 3/21/2011
I liked some of the imagery in this poem, especially that of the last stanza. Occasionally the flow gets choppy, however, so I would take a moment in order to read the poem 'out loud' to yourself after giving it a rest for a bit. I find reading your own poetry with fresh ears helps catch any awkwardness in the reading. :]

As for formatting, the best way I have found is to edit the html code directly. In the Fiction Press editor that's a button that says HTML on it next to the Preview button; click on that and a small window will pop up with the source code. 'm going to guess that you're having problems with stanza grouping and skipping the proper amounts of lines. This happens because for every line Fiction Press starts a new paragraph. Now you can either add a line break between the paragraphs of the lines you wish to have a gap between, or simply format it so each stanza is one paragraph and ad line breaks between each line of them. To make a line break the coding is *left pointing arrow*br /*right pointing arrow*. If that didn't make sense, or wasn't quite what you were looking for feel free to pm me, and I can answer any questions you have. I have half a mind to post a tutorial about this since so many people are having the same problem. xD

Loqwell
diverse enigma chapter 1 . 3/20/2011
I thought your poem was beautiful. It flowed so well except the "Trash can orchestras and a cold little boy,

He doesn't care that he's cold because he will soon die." I think you could fix this line a little to flow better. But besides that I thought it was very good. I love the meaning of the poem and how it kinda tells a story! Please write more poems soon.