|Reviews for What You Do to My Head|
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 3/26/2011
[RG - Poems - Easy Fix]
"because they hit / the floor hard who climb too high"
I didn't really like this; the syntax didn't make sense at all. What does it mean, in a literal sense? That's confusing, and it makes a reader stumble over it. That hurts the overall flow, because even if it means something (I'm still not sure if it does), your reader has to try too hard to read it.
You're really good with enjambment, and I mean really good. You enjambed nearly every line, which is more than I've ever done in a poem. However, I think there's a side effect to the constant enjambment that you may not realize: it hurts the flow even more.
So, overall, your poem can be very easily studied for merit in terms of the literary techniques that you use, the constant enjambment gets boring and hurts the readability. So, my advice to you is to find a good happy medium between the "information" you store in your enjambments and the often effect of enjambments on the continuity of the flow of your poem.
Hopefully this helps you improve. Keep up the good work; you have a lot of good material for how little time you've been here!