|Reviews for Poker Match|
| What Happens Now chapter 1 . 4/2/2011
This story was nice, a bit descriptive and some of the word went right over my head. I got the gist of it, but I suggest if you want to extend you audience that you try to dumb it down a little bit, since most people who aren't in college wont be able to understand a word you saying. I also think that you should work on identifying who is speaking, when Trevelyan's company shows up I have trouble following who is speaking so you might want to work on that.
| berley chapter 1 . 3/28/2011
I like and dislike your use of, or more like lack of dialog tags. The minimalist effect it has on your writing is a really nice touch. I’m a huge fan of Hurbert Selby Jr, an author who rarely uses dialog tags to tell the reader who is speaking, but each character has such a distinct accent or way or speaking that it’s easy to tell who is speaking without dialg tags. I see that you did this a bit during the first or second chunk of dialog, but I think it still gets confusing because the accents or distinct vocabulary don’t stand out enough. Maybe confusion of who is speaking is what you were going for, but I personally would have liked more from the way say, Gustav and Arnold speak.
Your diction is impressive. I’m pretty sure if I read this piece out loud there would be a few words that I wouldn’t even be able to pronounce properly. Considering the tone of the story, the high vocabulary worked and definitely helped with the tone that you were trying to set, but at the same time I think there were a few sentences where you just went a little overboard. There were a few times were it sounded like you just grabbed a thesaurus and looked up whatever big words you could. I felt like I needed a dictionary or my 90 year old scrabble champion grandmother with me while I read.
There were a lot of one liners that I adored throughout this piece. I would point a punch out to you but then this review would just turn into an annoying reaction review full of “omg I loved that line!” and “awesome line!”. Let’s just say that if I printed this out and highlighted whenever I liked a certain phrase or line you used, it would be almost reflective with yellow. Or pink. Or whatever colour my highlighter of the moment is…
My only complaint about your grammar and punctuation is that you go a little crazy with the semi-colons. It’s like you throw them in there wherever you felt it would look cool instead of actually using them properly. It almost got distacting while I read beause the editor in me was constantly like “improper use of a semi-colon! That should be a comma!” but then again I’m like that with most of the stuff that I read now since I’m almost always in editor mode.
Overall, I did like this piece for what it was. The vocabulary and legnth of the piece made it a bit of a chore to read, but I really appreciated the sheer originality of it. I’ve never read anything on fiction press like this before, and that alone is something pretty awesome. It was witty and had a lot of personality; your writing style is definitely unique. I just have a feeling that you’re going to have a hard time getting reviews for the piece because of how long it is, which is a shame. Us fiction press readers get lazy and don’t like reading anything longer than 4 to 5k in words, especially when the writing is thick with such intense vocabulary.
Best of luck! I wouldn’t mind checking out some more of your work.
The Review Game - Depth