|Reviews for Vanilla Mochi|
| Eiya Weathes chapter 1 . 3/31/2011
Okay first of all, I have to say that I agree with the other readers: Why you making my stomach growl?
Anyway, I'm not really that good in poem reviews but I'm trying my best, yeah?
I like how you created a free verse that although the rhythm and flow wasn't continuous, it still worked for the poem itself.
I mean, it's like you were just narrating in a sort of casual way but it still holds meaning.
I like the varying lengths of each verse. It was very effective and it helped bring the attention of the reader to specific bits like, let's say: "nothing worked"
The tone of the poem itself was light and casual, nothing too serious and indulging which is really refreshing because I didn't have to ponder for minutes thinking to myself, "What the hell does this mean?" Really. I applaud you for this poem. It's simple although it still bears the meaning and creativity each poem should have.
- Amethyst Penn
~ This review is sponsored by The Roadhouse.
(Review payback via Granophyre, via Of Your Eyes and My Ice Skater Thighs or via Jaded would be appreciated. If you're not too busy, may you please leave one? Thank you.
| thefaultinourpatronus chapter 1 . 3/27/2011
You've successfully flirted with my ravenous appetite. Well done ;)
Usually i advise writers to capitalize the start of each line but somehow, I like that you didn't. It fit the care-free tone of the poem. I also like how you compared the delicious cake with other food in the end; i liked the usage of 'creamy wishes'.
Overall cool piece! (:
| Kobra Kid chapter 1 . 3/26/2011
This was such a cute poem! I really enjoyed it, but now you made my hungry...and there's nothing satisfyiing to eat in my house. D: The structure of your poem was great; loose and not capitalized, which fit the adorable, care-free tone perfectly! I also loved every word you used, it fit the tone as well. Great work! Keep it up!
Kobra Kid, Roadhouse
P.S. Can you please payback via Rise From The Ashes? Thanks!
| Superslow Jellyfish chapter 1 . 3/25/2011
Okay, first and foremost, you've successfully made me hungry. Its midnight where I live so now I'm in the mood for an illegal midnight snack (and reviewing poems). Now, onto the actual review:
I love the structure of your poem, and its all loose like that, with no capitalization or anything. I believe poems should be free in that aspect. I also seem to like the narrator's answering tone with the "yes" and "no" bits. I also liked how the narrator puts care into the food and savors it, and this surely makes the anticipation to how this dessert should taste, especially with the comparison to other sorts of ice creams at the end, further establishing this delicacy.
| Whirlymerle chapter 1 . 3/25/2011
Cute poem! Now I'm suffering a late night mochi ball craving, lol.
I like that you didn't use any caps in this, it seemed to work for this tone.
All in all, I really enjoyed the parts where you described the food, but the part about hopes and dreams seemed to make it sad, since all the dreams and hopes fell away disarrayed. I wished there was some closure to that at the end, though you ended on a happy note, which is nice.
Would you mind leaving a review for BDTR? Thanks!