Reviews for I knew Anton in the summer
Gilee7 chapter 1 . 6/16/2011
I didn't mean to add this poem to my favorites. I was daydreaming and accidentally clicked it, thinking I was about to review it instead.

Anyways, this is probably one of the simplest and most straightforward poems I've seen you write. I would be incredibly proud if I had written it, but for you it almost seems a bit lazy. I imagine you could churn out a hundred poems of this quality without even trying.

Still, I don't want to seem like I'm knocking it, because this is still a good poem. It flows well, the imagery is effective, and I especially like the alliteration of 's' throughout the poem. The first two stanzas actually conjured a few summer memories of my own.

[I know Anton in the / summer, and the summer / knew him like a lover] I noticed that a few of your reviewers complained about the tense change, but I think it works well. There's a certain rhythm and flow to it that I like, almost a sing-song quality. And the tense change is intentional, I'm sure, since it implies that the summer no longer knows him.
Pandora's Flight chapter 1 . 5/7/2011
Hi, I just wanted to let you know: that I really enjoy your poetry. You do a great job with providing the reader with clear images, and your rhythms are wonderful. Feel appreciated :) And keep up the good work!
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 4/2/2011
"When wisps of hair"... I don't think you should capitalize the W because the title is really the first line of that sentence.

I liked the first stanza. Cluttered and clung were great word choice and also sounded great together.

In the second stanza I liked the swimming through the heat. It was a wonderful image and it worked well 'cause swimming and heat automatically go together, but this was a different twist on it.

I didn't think the third paragraph should have been only separated from the first with a comma. Honestly, I think it should be a separate sentence. It's not technically, but it seems weird that it's a part of the stanza before because it's a new thought. Also, I think a comma would work better than a semi-colon between "hip" and "a word." I really loved the alliteration in that stanza.

"I know Anton in the"... did you mean knew? 'Cause it seems weird to change tense here

"feasting on his cheek bone,"...seems weird to have one bone, wouldn't it be feasting on both cheek bones?

I liked the personification of summer in that last stanza. It was really well done. The repetition in those first lines set a great comparison and your word choices were beautiful.
account inactive00000 chapter 1 . 4/2/2011
I like this a lot; I like the picture it paints and the person you're describing, I like the words you use to speak about him, and the personification of the summer-

only suggestion is in the third-to-last stanza, your tense is kind of weird? I don't know if you meant it to be that way, but the know/knew thing is a bit jarring. Otherwise, I really like this a lot.
cab fed hig chapter 1 . 4/2/2011
casually precise, i mean, you are brilliant at stringing together stunning meanings. it seems like with just one hand you are able to allow musical and intelligent liveliness to arise from even the older and more dusty phrases.
Jubileyn chapter 1 . 4/1/2011
This is ridiculously awesome. :)