|Reviews for Hanging on|
| Stephanie M. Moore chapter 1 . 3/28/2012
This was a lovely piece, Sophie. I know I could review any participant for this month, but I just enjoy reading your works.
I love the imagery in the opening paragraph as you build the narrator's surroundings. Piece by piece it comes together, and the gravity of the image sinks in with each sentence.
Your personification of Death is wonderfully done. I like the way you said, "He only worked part time, Tuesday and Sunday evenings." And the siblings- it's a really great way to represent death, very clever.
And your narrator's voice is great. I love the way she can look back and see her naivete and reflect calmly on her own situation. She doesn't have any of the anxiety that I would have expected, but it supports the contemplative mood of the piece.
And really, it is the most difficult to ignore death when it is staring you in the face.
The last line, of course, is wonderful. It's well known, but it fits perfectly. Another thoughtful piece, like this one.
And you have a very subtle tense shift at the end that's superb (I assume it was intentional.) It takes us from her past brush with death to her continuing walk in life.
Congratulations on the WCC win!
| Fleur-de-lis Evans chapter 1 . 9/6/2011
The portrayal of death is very interesting. I find it intriguing that you depicted him as a working man, but only part time. The thoughts of the character are so vivid and I really enjoyed how in her/his head I got.
I liked the setting as well. I could hear the rain, feel the slick girder of the bridge, and hear the water below.
Suggestion: (Suggestions in all capitols for notice ability.)
1) "Span by span, I pulled myself to end of the bridge."
- Maybe it is just a difference in writing but I feel this sentence should read:
"Span by span, I pulled myself to THE end of the bridge."
Kudos on a thought-provoking story: Jazz
| berley chapter 1 . 8/13/2011
I think my favourite part about this pieces was the imagery, though I really love the first and the last lines just as much. You start off so strong in the beginning, and then carry at through the body and then you end it so well. It’s such a short piece, but what you thought out and portrayed in such a short amount of time was really beautiful. It’s such a unique look at death.
Like I said before, the imagery was my favourite part. The spidery way the person was dangling, how the rain licked their neck, tug of war match for your soul. All really great stuff, I loved reading it.
Though, I’m left wondering: how the hell did the person end up hanging there? Haha.
| dx713 chapter 1 . 7/10/2011
This was very strong for such a short piece. I like your voice, the descriptions are precise enough, evocative enough, while not trying too much, no complicated words for me to misunderstand, just simple poetry.
I like the character's thoughts about death. I would have liked to discuss them with her, to know more about her.
I understand you got inspiration from poems I don't know. This is quite frustrating. I'd like to know why your character is in such a situation. Why is she so strong, what is her purpose? I suppose I have to use my imagination...
| Venetia Yewbeam chapter 1 . 6/28/2011
It's very good, a bit confusing but good. Now before you go accusing a non-author for stateing her opinion, I would like to mention that I AM an author I just happen to be saving my originals for real books and aside from that I write fanfictiin.
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 6/19/2011
I know I've been trying really hard to work on Night Love with returns and everything and the glory days of me actually being able to balance reading on FP for pure awesome review fun have declined, I think I'm just going to come over here and take a break from the larger work for a WCC, if you don't mind too much, XD.
Very strong opening line, I like it a lot because it grabs my attention and also makes me wonder what 'many deaths' might entail and everything, so there's also an undertone of mystery. And then you end on the Robert Frost line ;) Excellent, loved that ending too, I almost would even have enjoyed an ellipses like in the poem after the first "before I could sleep" to get that sinking feeling. I always loved those last lines, such beautiful poetry!
The content reminded me a lot of The Book Thief just because we're dealing with Death, but I liked how you twisted it and did your own unique take on the whole thing. The different moments you have with describing all the different deaths was great too. I liked the moment of listing off the "astrologers, hairstylists" and that bit, it had a good rhythm to it. I also liked the paragraph leading to "Your Time Has Come" just because of that strong punch-line ending. I know this is a shorter work, but the depth in the narrative surprised me and I really enjoyed reading it, Soph. It's more contemplative than plot driven, but it just worked in a graceful manner. I've been so out of the loop lately, and it's refreshing to read a WCC!
| Dragon made me do it chapter 1 . 6/3/2011
It surely is nasty when you have a crote in the weed. I'm sure you know what I mean.
It is a bit sad when you come to that realisation you have described, where we don't all live healthy into our 90s and then pass away peacefully in our sleep. The vast majority go without comfort or dignity, and I can see the temptation to try to have some sort of control over this. Oh dear how very morbid.
Personally, although my endocrinologists have given me trouble, I am quite happy for the fact that they keep me alive. I also still have a teddy. I prefer to cling on for a later death.
I like the way you have touched upon a very dark and heavy realist subject in a light and slightly fantastical way, while still paying respect to the seriousness of it all. I suppose this is like the film life is beautiful in that way?
We have also done a great job of including a great deal of ideas into such a short piece. there is just the right amount of mystery versus answers in the story and main character I think.
Good opening - it hooked me in. good ending too.
What was the Robert Frost reference?
| Nesasio chapter 1 . 5/16/2011
Very belated April WCC entry review. :)
I really like the mythology you have here, and the way it's rather nonchalantly got the action scene in the background. It's like the narrator is so confident that they aren't going to die this way that the danger of the moment is dulled a little. I found that really cool. I also liked the little bits about different deaths you tossed him, how they were characters in their own right with different tasks and lives. I would've loved to learn more about them, but obviously since it's a WCC piece it has to be shorter. Perhaps if you revise it you can say more? :D The snarky little tidbits, particularly about the death who works part-time, really made this piece entertaining to me.
Great job, sorry this review took so long, and good luck in the WCC! :)
| Sarah Isaacs chapter 1 . 5/7/2011
Great entry! I really liked the way you fleshed out the character's psychy if not their physical appearance. The opening was strong, and the rest matched up to the initial impression. The different kinds of death being siblings, that was brilliant. A very thought provoking piece. You could really continue a story from this. Excellent!
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 4/9/2011
This was definitely a fun, unique quip. I liked how you mixed the philosophy about death with a gripping, in-the-moment situation like hanging from a railway bridge. It gave the story two aspects of interesting measure.
Good job and good luck in WCC!
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 4/7/2011
Brilliant as always, Soph. You picked two of my favorite poems ever right there. One of them is even featured on my profile :)
I didn't even seen anything bad about this piece. It was just cool. The sense of vastness in this piece was awesome, and your character was interesting. She (he?) seemed a bit strange, but I definitely enjoyed his/her frame of mind.
Good ending, too.
Best of luck this month!
| Narq chapter 1 . 4/3/2011
No, I don't think you need more emotion in this piece. It's nice and short, and more emotion would just burden it.
The lack of emotion (of fear), I feel, is something that draws us to the narrator. Why isn't he afraid? Is it becaue he has nothing to lose, and in that, maybe that's why he can survive, because he isn't afraid to die. and he isn't all caught up in fear.
The last part really did summerise the narrator's character for me: without a thought in the world - it also provided an answer why he wasn't afraid, in a way.
| Punslinger chapter 1 . 4/3/2011
This is well-written. Or perhaps I should say well-wrought, since ironwork is an important part of the story. As another reviewer wrote, your philosophical musing on death under great pressure is impressive. But it strikes me as being unnaturally free of emotion. I didn't sense the gut-wrenching fear that would overload the nervous system with adrenaline to fight desperately for survival.
And with all due respect to Dylan Thomas, I intend to go gentle into my final good night. I've done so much raging against life that I think I deserve a serene exit.
| xenolith chapter 1 . 4/3/2011
Ah, Sophie, this was very good.
The thing I loved the most was the length. There wasn't very much action, it was all philosophy, but this made it really interesting, and unique. I am slightly curious about how the person ended up dangling from a railway bridge, but the way you started and the way you ended is just right. There really is no need for anything else! I love that. I love how self-contained your stories are.
'Where ironwork meet rock, a web of barbed wire nested. I spidered over.'
- Like the wordplay here. Your descriptions are, as always, lovely to read.
Nice work this month! Best of luck in the WCC :)
| JaffaFoose chapter 1 . 4/3/2011
I thought it was brilliant. I don't have a lot to say about it, but I just thought the new look at death warranted a comment. It was very interesting, very thought-provoking. Especially the idea of people constantly dodging the death we all dream of - peaceful, natural causes, death in sleep - only to end up getting killed in much worse ways.
Very nice! You'll probably have my vote for the contest...