|Reviews for Lovers Sacrifice: Japan|
| ShortcakeMattie chapter 1 . 4/5/2011
I agree completely with you! Summaries are the worst! XD
I saw a few missing commas but nothing too major. Your dialogue was good, helping the story flow together. The imagery was simple, but could use a little work. Maybe add a few more details to the setting?
The characters are engaging; but I want to know more about them. The love between Lady Ishikawa no Amaya and her husband is clear, which is what drives her to save her husband from General Fujiwara. You mention something about Lord Ishikawa no Kiba protecting Lady Amaya. Maybe if you mention what he saved her from this could help the reader see the bond/love they have for each other. Another thing that stuck out to me was Lady Amaya rescuing her husband on her own. I don’t think a lady/queen would venture out on such a dangerous rescue attempt without any help, even if she knows she’ll die anyway. The ending was bittersweet when the couple committed suicide.
The cloud part about the phoenix and wolf confused me a bit. It felt odd going from the couple to another element. Maybe if you add a spiritual aspect to the beginning, or tie in the animals in the beginning it would flow better?
I really liked your story! It reminds me of a dark fairy tale about a strong heroine who risks her life to save the man she loves. Well done. I hope to read more soon. :-D