|Reviews for Twin Soul Eaters|
| k.mogami chapter 2 . 5/9/2011
Very cool chapter. There's still a lot of unanswered questions about the twins, but I have to say, I kind of like it. I mean, their parents are dead, one twin has powers, the other is like being stalked or something, and then there's like this prophecy that's coming true. It's really interesting and for some reason I automatically think of Harry Potter... lol
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 2 . 4/23/2011
This really is getting more interesting, though I think there are some parts you could rewrite to help with the flow; [There were a lot of what ifs swirling in her head.] seems to slow it down; maybe put it after [What if their parents hadn't died?] and change it to just "What ifs swirled around her head" or something. Again, just watch out for the changes in tense, try to stick to past. Lines such as [meaning it has been 'awaken' and that its master wants it to fight.] might sound better if they were in past tense, so like "meaning it had been awakened and that its master wanted it to fight" etc. Other than that, I like the way you describe the emotions of Janna, you really get a sense of what she's feeling. Good stuff.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 4/14/2011
interesting start, I like the concept so far and the characters seem interesting. I would suggest maybe describing the setting a bit more, however. Also, watch out for tense changes; you seem to switch between past and present tense, it might flow a bit better if you stick to past? So, instead of [There were faces in the shadows, and Hannah is aware of it.] have "There were faces in the shadows, and Hannah was aware of it." Just a suggestion. Anyway, nice first chapter and I'll be reading the next one soon.
-from The Roadhouse
| I-am-happy chapter 2 . 4/9/2011
This sounds really good! The ending when you had Janna cry was golden. It set the ending mood and I could feel the suspense in the air. You know? Again, I love how this is working out, the language... is it Latin? Haha I don't know. But the way you use it in your story is really awesome. I wondering about this Archard guy.
The way you explained the cave. REally good! It was very well written. Maybe you wrote to much, try expanding the amount of words you put in one spot.
Via Roadhouse. Payback to via Waiting for You.
| Demented Hellion chapter 1 . 4/6/2011
So far, I like it! It definitely draws you in. I would love to read more. I'm putting you on alert!
| k.mogami chapter 1 . 4/6/2011
Good start so far. It's a little vague, but I assume that everything will be cleared up as the story goes on.
I loved the use of the different language, it really put the story and setting over the top. Hanna's terrified feelings are nicely described.
Kind of curious to find out how Janna is a soul eater, but Hanna isn't considering they are twins. Are they identical or fraternal? Perhaps you should add something about parents on the next chapter, which I assume that you did.
I think you could have described the setting a little more just to make everything a little more real and relatable, you know what I mean? Like use the setting to transport the reader into the story.
Anyways, good start!
- Roadhouse- Payback to A Princess' Preference or Eighteen to Life
| Rosemarysgraden001 chapter 1 . 4/6/2011
Rose to the rescue!
Ok it was interesting, It started out with a bang. The sister seemed close and like she really cared for her sister. I would say it was a little hard to follow, but thats just cuz the background wasnt described very well. It could have more depth, but besides that nothing major.
~Rose~ (Roadhouse) Boy I like R's...
| I-am-happy chapter 1 . 4/6/2011
This is a pretty good story so far. Your wording is pleasant and works wonders! It made me quite scared. The other language was the tip top of the pyramid for me! it gave such an edge to the story, you had me hocked when that started to play out. The only thing I'm questioning is the girl, Hannah. She came across to me as very fragile (and that most likely how you planed her to be) But why was it her sisters fault? Why are they coming after her? You know what I mean) These are things I'm hopping you will clean up in the next chapter so I can have a better look and see more how this story may play out.
Over all, I really liked it! Its quite new too me, but its very interesting to the eyes.
You have me on my toes.
Via roadhouse, pay back to via Waiting for You.