Reviews for The Annoying Thing about Vampires
Silk Spectre chapter 1 . 5/17/2016
Very nice essay. You've made several good points, particularly with your rape analogy of vampirism. It's been a while since I have read Stoker's Dracula, but his vampires were the only ones that I thought were excellent depictions of these night stalking monsters. I agree with your opinion of Twilight. It is horribly written drivel that should have never been published. As a result, the younger generation's impression of vampires comes from 'sparkling' in sunlight and 'vegetarian' do-gooders. I firmly believe that true vampires are frightening, dead creatures with no concept of human emotion or compassion and only an insatiable desire for blood. Those are the types of vampires I'd like to see written about more. Although, I'm not opposed to an author taking a different spin on the genre or folklore once in a while, vampires shouldn't be hailed as romantic creatures overall.

Some of my favourite film/TV incarnations come from John Carpenter's Vampires, Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992), Van Helsing, Dracula Untold and Joss Whedon's Buffy and Angel TV series. Although a couple on this list may not be the greatest films in vampire genre, at least the vampires are horrifying bloodsuckers and are not constantly described as beautiful, sparkly snowflakes like Meyer's fairypires are.
PeriAce chapter 1 . 9/11/2013
Type your review here...
Guest chapter 1 . 10/17/2012
Nobody cares...
freddyburn chapter 1 . 10/5/2012
I must say, as someone who has read The Vampire Chronicles and Dracula (and then subjected myself to Twilight so I could compare) I have to say I enjoyed this piece. You are spot on. Thumbs up.

Everything you said is correct. Take a bow.
Si Knight chapter 1 . 6/3/2012
" A little-known fact ... is that vampirism is a metaphor for rape". Perhaps you would like to review the meaning of metaphors and facts before you make such foolish assertions.

"... Stokers rapists are the kind of vampires this generation should read" So you draw the analogy between vampirism and rape and then say we should read these types of books. I'm confused?

Finally, you claim Twilight is terrible fiction on the basis of what a rival hack (Stephen King) says, but this is hardly evidence of bad writing. Have you read Carrie? And what has King written lately that has sold anything in the order of what Meyer has? Twilight is romance/horror fiction, it follows a line from penny dreadfuls and Mills and Boon. It has no claims to literature and is pure escapism for an audience of teens.

Why do critics seem to want to hold this book to any kind of (imaginary) standard?
The A.C. Clark chapter 1 . 1/7/2012
My Immortal is famous for entirly different reasons. It is after all one of the modern codifiers for the "So Bad It's Good" trope. Any non-satirical positive feedback has been long forgoten.
dolphins-scarecrow chapter 1 . 12/12/2011
Wow. I've never heard words more true O.O

I started reading vampire books before 'Twighlight' came out and things just haven't been the same since then. New books have been sprouting left and right from places that should have been left untouched. There are still a few good ones (very few) out there, but they are incredibly hard to find in between all of the Twighlight-inspired teeny fantasies...
KuroNeko97 chapter 1 . 9/5/2011
This is why the only vampire character in my story is an Anti-Hero, and she's not even a main character. And as far as I've thought out she plays no romantic interest to anyone.

Your essays are well written and great and keep my attention all throughout. Although I'd agree with some that you put quite a bit of opinions into your writing. If I'm correct, however, that's how you write an essay.

I honestly have nothing more to say. Well written and enticing.
LittleLoser.AndRoloLamperouge chapter 1 . 4/9/2011
lo and behold the marvel of enlightened mind. great essay man. Twilight sucks like hell.

Insomniac chapter 1 . 4/8/2011
I have to agree with you on a lot of these points. It's true that Stephenie Meyer's sparkly men have created a hype among the teenage girls - the same can be said for a lot of dreadful angel-demon-human books that seemed to have stemmed from an author's well-meaning, but misguided attempt to write something other than vampire fiction. However, there is one point in your argument that bothers me slighty (and I might be horrendously wrong since I don't have an easily accessable copy of Breaking Dawn) - your pointing out that Bella was unconcious while having sex with Edward. Well, actually, none of the details were mentioned explicitly in the book. Stephanie Meyer probably had the thought that if she wrote like Anne Rice, she may be alienating some readers, and thus chose to leave the entire scene out and skip to the happy morning of maritial bliss. And hell, there are too many soppy romance novels out there to call Twilight even romotely unique, even though it may be tamer than some (read: most). I remember there was one book I had read in a quartet of soppy romance. In it, the protagonist abandons her well-paid, stable job so that she can be married to her "true love." The terrible raping (then parroting) of original genres is not a new thing - it's merely more prominent now that Twilight has been sniffed out by the Hollywood producers.

I'm sorry. I'm rambling, but writing fiction for teenage girls pays well if you look at it from a business point of view. Why not use an old-and-tried hype-generating genre?
I LOVE CAPS chapter 1 . 4/8/2011
Which is why I'm a science geek obsessed with zombies. :)

Lovely writing, you're the first person I've heard that hates this vampire craze, but doesn't sound stupid complaining about it. I give you all my internets.
Autumn-Freeze chapter 1 . 4/6/2011
Righ then! Well stated!

As you say about vampirism: "it is a force of evil to be shunned."

Twilight should be binned! However, it sells, so don't look for it to disappear anytime soon.

Please R&R my vampire story 'Fallen Angels'. In the 1-page forward, I adress this issue of the vampire and sexuality.

Keep up the good work. Best Regards, Autumn-freeze
slave to the voices chapter 1 . 4/6/2011
LMAO Great rant. I agree with most of it. I've never read any of the Twilight books, but I watched the first movie and I mourn the loss of my time. While I agree there are too many crappy vampire (also zombie and werewolf) stories, there are a few out there that are worth their salt. Even I found myself pulled into the vampire vortex when I wrote "The Hunter Turned" for a class a few years ago (although I think it's more along the classic line). Anyway, I'm off to look through some more of your work.