Reviews for wasted
oxytocin chapter 1 . 4/9/2011
This is very carefully rendered, I mean - it seems like you are holding something back the whole time; there's a tone of restraint to it. I'm not sure what I mean by that. The speech at the end ties in with the style of the whole poem; it's all very teenage and carpe-diem, and the inclusion of the word 'fucking' makes it all seem bittersweet. I really like this, and usually I don't like poems that don't have much punctuation or capital letters. I love the phrase, 'Placing pills like flowers upon her tongue', it's very... perfect. One thing I would mention is that, reading some of your other poems, you seem to have a very typical style that you don't deviate from too much. Here it works, because your lower-case, slang style fits in with the teenage-ness of the content, but elsewhere it just seems forced and a little clich├ęd. I'd suggest being careful of using speech too regularly - or find different ways around it - because it can kind of seem like a cop-out because you don't know how to enter the phrase yourself, so give it to a character to say. I know, because I do it myself.

So I'm not sure if any of this helps but that's just my two cents.