|Reviews for Underneath This Skin|
| FamishedNight chapter 22 . 5/24
I'm not signed in. Are you ever going to finish this story?
| FAngirl chapter 22 . 3/20/2014
uh oh XD
| FamishedNight chapter 22 . 1/4/2014
Awesome, Update Soon!
| rainbownostalgia chapter 3 . 8/4/2013
Not sure how I feel about this story. You seem like you'd be a pretty decent writer, but the thing is how much the main character bothers me- ofc he's supposed to be made out as an 'apathetic prick' like you described, but at this point Caden's "too cool for school, bored with life, and terrible past leaves me with no emotion" attitude really doesn't give the reader any sense of sympathy for him, or connection. Rather, it leaves me feeling annoyed by his constant complaints and lack of motivation to make up for it. I was vaguely interested by the summary, but three chapters haven't gotten me the slightest hooked. End constructive criticism. Furthermore, it bothered me how you called a reviewer a 'stupid fuck' simply because he voiced his opinion and gave negative reception. True, he might have been trolling, but that really wasn't necessary.
| scatteredpaper chapter 22 . 7/1/2013
Do a little irish jig. xD.
| Handsome Devil chapter 2 . 5/7/2013
Looked like an Ethiopian?
| RelapseWarrior chapter 22 . 3/9/2013
Oh Caden, I feel for you man, I really do.
Possessive godamned warlocks never leave well enough alone.
Anyway, this story is the best thing since morphine, and I greatly appreciate it. It totally makes me feel things and shit rainbows and smile at strangers. This is the only thing keeping me from drowning myself in a tub of icecream, my bodily temple thanks you.
| LiveLoveRead95 chapter 22 . 2/13/2013
okay i officially love this story it is really good. i read it all without stopping. Please update soon :3
| Sophie chapter 22 . 8/8/2012
Gah! 22 chapters and no smut. Smh... Please please please update soon? I love this story. So. Much.
| Sophie chapter 15 . 8/8/2012
I laughed so hard when i got the mental image of gandalf the white sitting in a coffe shop... Oh god, so awesome xD loving the story so far :)
| Victoria Best chapter 3 . 6/13/2012
Sorry for the wait. I still had a lot of exams, but now i am back and I am reading your story and it is amazing! :D I really like it! It's got a great rhythm to it, the narrative is effective and written brilliantly and I love the main character.
I love how cynical Caden is - he's an intriguing character and I can't work out what he will do next. It is compelling to watch him and I am fascinated by his cold view of the world and low opinion of people. I got a clear sense of his negative outlook on life right from the first chapter, for example when he mentions "I personally think it's just something to keep me from thinking. And believe me, I hate thinking." It's almost like he would rather be a shell than a person - he his completely closed off from emotions and in a perfect world he would probably cut himself off even from thoughts. I am sure something serious must have happened for him to simply not care about anyone or anything, and I think this especially from the fact that hardly reacted even when he was being bullied. I have a million questions about him and I cannot wait to find out more about him.
On the subject of characters, the redheaded guy is also very interesting and I am looking forward to him. It was certainly surprising when he kissed him, and I can't wait to find out his motives and see more insight into his thoughts and emotions. I particularly enjoyed this chapter. "Cue awkwardness." Aww :) I feel so sorry for Caden. He isn't bothering anyone! Why do they have to be so cruel to him! The plot is moving well and I like the slow progression of events to make the most of the characters' introductions and so we can see Caden's first perceptions of the school and the students. The end of this chapter also had a great hook and acts as a great way to grab your readers and encourage them to keep reading. I can't wait to read more!
This story pulled me in right from the first chapter. I love the way you have started it just with the one word on its own "Pacing." It's an interesting and slightly unusual way to begin a story, making your story unique and memorable, and it really draws your readers into the action straight away as well as introduces the character. It's an interesting trait to give him and immediately sets him apart from other characters. I also like the fact that he seems to pick up and keep anything and claims "Everything comes in handy one day." This is another interesting idiosyncrasy and I get the feeling he's quite frugal and the sort of person that never asks for too much, only accepts what he is given. Although he seems to act like he doesn't care, this side of his personality suggests he is not a cruel person, only a damaged person who has learnt to survive alone and therefore has only ever known loneliness. Most importantly, it adds a depth of realism to him, because i believe we all have some kind of odd characteristics and personality traits, so these characteristics help to make him realistic and therefore a character readers can really empathise with. The description was also very good in this and helped to enhance the story and enable us to picture everything. For example, I love when he mentions the "Gentle smell of years and decay wafting through the door, assaulting my senses." It enabled me to visualise everything, enriched the narrative and made the story seem believable.
There were some parts of the story that were not as strong. I don't think there was a strong connection between paragraphs and transitions into different topics or events. I think the first introduction chapter was the main culprit of this. Just look at the start of every paragraph. I dumped/I knew I would be starting/It sucked. It's all very jumpy and there is no clear correlation between these topics. It makes you seem confused about what you are talking about and this will certainly put readers off of reading. Even if you are trying to imitate a stream-of-conciousness voice, it is unlikely that there would be no connection at all between his thoughts. Perhaps you could include line breaks or just enhance or create clearer and stronger links between the paragraphs.
Also, I do not particularly like all the rhetorical questions Caden asks. It makes him seem incredibly rude. He asks "Why did I pick it up you ask?" It's rude for him to assume any readers were asking at all, or that they even care. It just makes him seem arrogant and dislikable. It will be harder to please readers with a character they cannot empathise with. These questions just got infuriating to read after a while. Keep them if they are your darling babies, but know that they do not encourage a positive attitude towards your narrator, or towards you for that matter.
Other than that, I absolutely love this story! This is going on my favourites list. You have a great plot developing here with some brilliant, almost explosive characters and I cannot wait to read more. I will continue reading as soon as I have time. Keep writing and following your dreams! :D
| Madriddler chapter 22 . 6/11/2012
This is good. But could you stop with the change of POV, I don't even know where that came from, it wasn't such a bad problem in his one, and I've seen worse, like changing POV every two lines worse, but it's just a bit confusing here even though there are bold black words, it seems fliudless, it doesn't flow. And when will Caden get emotions?
| daagmar chapter 22 . 6/6/2012
Keep writing and do it often :)
| anonymous chapter 22 . 6/1/2012
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPADATE THIS STORY SOON! I LOVE HIS STORY SO MUCH THAT IF I HAD AN ACCOUNT ON THIS SITE, I WOULD HAVE FAVORITED IT AND YOU! IT HAS A BELIEVEADLE BACKSTORY FOR CADEN, YOU AREN'T MAKING THIS ONE OF THOSE CLICHED WARLOCK STORIES, AND ARE ACTUALLY SHOWING THEM TO BE LIKE REAL PEOPLE AND NOT SOME KIND OF STATIC CHARACTER! YOU ARE SOMEONE THAT I CAN CALL A TRUE AUTHOR! I MEAN, ANYONE CAN BE A WRITER, THAT'S JUST PUTTING WORDS DOWN, BUT A TRUE AUTHOR IS SOMEONE WHO CAN ACTUALLY TAKE SOMETHING AS SOME FORM OF PLOT, AND WEAVE A TALE THAT DRAGS YOU INTO IT, WHICH IS WHAT YOU DO WITH ALL OF YOUR STORIES ON THIS SITE! PLEASE KEEP UPDATING ALL OF YOUR STORIES!
| Rhapsodybywam chapter 22 . 4/18/2012
*dances for updates* Although it was short it was enjoyable and Caden's wit came through (which I love). I actually am inspired to write on buses too my poetry usually comes from a dirty bus driving me home O.o Anyway thanks for the update and look forward to continue reading!