|Reviews for Freedom Tousou|
| Alias Blue chapter 1 . 9/18/2011
I like the title of the prologue. Very ominous.
And the first description sounds pretty sinister. I'm looking forward to some good Sci-fi.
“unwieldy” - ooh, I've never heard this before. I learned a new word!
“it was highly likely it should be mass-produced” edit: 'it would be mass produced' I think sounds better, because you already have 'should' in that sentence.
The tone of this is incredibly clinical, especially as you only call them by their titles “the analyst” etc. It's well done and I do like the feel it gives the writing – it's kind of sinister - but it makes it hard for me to connect with what's happening. It's very objective and impersonal.
“It crumpled to the floor around the table holding the subject.” That said, I am anticipating this.
“the face of a young boy” Brilliant. I love stuff like this.
"That would be…" he broke off, realising the boy was not actually listening.
Subject Ninety-Four yawned and lay back on the table in tranquil sleep.” haha, I really like this ending. I like how it's so casual, it's almost comical.
Well, I thought this was good. Very cool. It's short, but sweet. It is liable to all the cliches of the sci-fi genre – with the government creation of a super-person - so I think you should be aware of maneuvering around them. But I liked this and I think it's a great beginning.
I hope you do continue this. Otherwise you've sparked a desire in me to write something really science-fiction myself.
| Flamaij chapter 1 . 8/5/2011
[Tidy hair, a shade off midnight,...] "of" instead of "off"... right? o.o'
That's the only mistake that I've seen at once when reading it.
Apart from that, the prologue is nice and sounds really promising. A blue-haired boy... - you hadn'd had a character with this hair colour in your previous work if I remember correctly. ;D
I usually don't read Sci-Fi - but this story definitely caught my interest, so update soon! :D
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 1 . 4/17/2011
Okay, so after N ages of delay mainly due to my insanely long nap today, I've finally hit this new work up. If I got it wrong ala this isn't the new work you've brought up, then my serious apologies. -.-
Okay firstly on a starting front, I can say that this prologue chapter really did a good job in setting up the mood. Seriously this work sounds like a work with a potentially strong theme on the apocalyptic front as in this genre might be taken into the context of what may happen unlike the common tried and tested formula of making the whole thing being on the background. Actually in the form of gut impression, this work really gave a vibe of Trinity Blood. But then again, I guess this whole thing might take a dark turn in nature ala Berserk, which unto the utter disappointment of the fans got banned in S'pore.
And now on the CC front, I actually think that while you did well in terms of the general description, the overall portrayal on the emotional front was sorely lacking. Simply put, the first step would be trying to have a strong idea on what you will visualize on this front. Once this aspect hit home, things would be much more easier since the basics will be there so as to speak.
Secondly on the test subject, on a personal front I just feel that his own personality rendition seems way too humane. It's like we're not seeing a so-called test subject weapon but rather a human being born and raised the normal way. I know I'm being nitpicky here, but the whole thing doesn't make sense from my own viewpoint of a so-called artificial human being just created. It's just like you can't expect a new born baby to have a thought process even on an elementary front if you get what I mean. I know this is a crap comparison, but it's like I'm wondering if you can try to create a somewhat robotic portrayal on the test subject's speech pattern at the very least. Once you got that concept right, it would be much more easier for you to progress onto the higher end of his personality. Like any potential lack of emotions be facial impressions or on a psychological sense, any existing concepts on humanity from his front, etc. And now that I've reached this point, I've discovered that the character portrayal of the test subject seems a bit too general in nature i.e. even a bit more details in the process would help out in the far run. :)
Okay gonna go off now. Still got work tomorrow. Hopefully this uber long review will help you out both in the short and long run. :)
| thattagen chapter 1 . 4/14/2011
Hm interesting start! I like how you worked up the tension of "the awakening" to reveal a little boy. Honestly, I was expecting a little girl. Wait, I mean...yeah