|Reviews for A Private Business|
| TheClosetWriter16 chapter 3 . 5/10/2011
| Akadrama chapter 3 . 5/6/2011
I liked this story in the beginning but I belive i commented that it flowed weird and it still does but for the life of me I don't know why
| lee chapter 3 . 5/3/2011
Amazing third chapter! Love the characters and Corbin's curt responses. Ha, so amusing and he's too cute! Anyway, yeah, great story and I love the unique plot. I hope you continue with this because it's too great to stop. I also am excited to see what exactly goes on at that hospital... and oh my, he's going to donate his sperm as well - I wonder how that will turn out! But it'd be nice to see if they "conceive" in the natural way... or maybe she will hold off on the baby and find comfort in him. Who knows - YOU know :) They make an adorable couple (even though they're not a couple - yet), so I'm so happy to read the next chapters and see how their relationship develops. UPDATE SOON, PLEASE? Thank ya for such a great story!
| AzaleaTears chapter 1 . 5/3/2011
Would a doctor even agree to this?
She is only 20 years old for goodness sakes! What does she really know about being lonely? And that is definitely not a good reason to have a child. I am also wondering how she plans to afford this baby. She only works at a florists shop. Does she or has she gone to school? The girl is going to be a single mother, and she should definitely be listening to her mom right now considering she has been a single mother for the last 17 years. Her mom is the one with the first hand experience.
Definitely feel like Tavia is being selfish and irresponsible. She may see herself as an exception, but many children want/need a father figure in their lives and her deliberately taking that away isnt right. I understand that her and Corbin are supposed to fall in love and all that stuff would work out, but this just does not seem very realistic. What grown man in their right mind would donate his sperm for a 20 year old to get pregnant?
I am sure that there has to be some underlying reason for her to want this. She is a virgin without much life experience. She doesnt have a support system seeing as her mother is not speaking to her and she isn't close to her coworkers. She also does not have that high paying job that will allow her to give the child a comfortable life. I understand that money isnt everything and people do it all the time, but to bring it upon herself consciously is something different.
I like the premise, but Tavia as a character just really rubs me the wrong way.
| Its.Not.Me.Its.You chapter 2 . 4/25/2011
I love the chapter.
There are some grammatical errors but other than that it's great.
Have a good week!
Hope you update soon!
| TheClosetWriter16 chapter 2 . 4/22/2011
Great story so far :)
| darkgurl92 chapter 2 . 4/21/2011
can't wait for the next chapter.
i think aaron is starting to like her..
update soon..maybe he'll get her really drunk and so they'll have to have sex to make a baby...lol..
| poohbeat93 chapter 2 . 4/21/2011
Wow, your story is soo good! Not only are your characters well developed and interesting to read and learn about - you have such an unique plot going on. First story I've read about a sperm donor, and I positively love it. Already, second chapter in, and I'm addicted to it. Hopefully you'll update soon, but I understand if you're not a regular updater. I have a difficult time updating every weekend (like some writers), so 99% of my stories never get finished or they're too slow on the updates. But I really, really hope I'll be seeing the next chapter soon? Your writing is great as well... no mistakes and no awkwardness with sentence structure. This is definitely the best story on this site I've read in a long time. So again, great job and please update :)
| Fallin-raindrops chapter 2 . 4/21/2011
Hello! So happy you finally updated! And I LOVE LOVE LOVE this chapter. You pretty much answered all my questions, but with a new chapter comes new questions ;) I really do like Fi's character, from what I have read I envision her as a women who doesn't take shit from anyone. Corbin's character is also very interesting. His personality is totally the opposite from the normal guy characters. He's an engineer, which kind of surprised me, I imagined him as this very prestigious business man of some sort, but I don't mind. I hope we get to meet his brothers soon. They sound interesting. You don't say what job Fi has. Will Maria be a vital part of the story? I was wondering how the story will take place? Will it be while she is pregnant? I would like that part to be a part of it, but I somehow want her to get pregnant with his kid the "natural way" XD Or are you thinking that first they fall in love then have a kid? I am anxious! And for the inspiration part this is the best thing i can do for you: /article/2329864/how_to_inspire_the_writer_inside_ XD I hope you update soon, and this LONG review helps to push you in writing the next chapter. Keep it up!
-Fallin-raindrops (your anxious reader)
| Its.Not.Me.Its.You chapter 1 . 4/18/2011
Can't wait for more!
Please update soon!
| Christina Elizabeth chapter 1 . 4/15/2011
I don't know of I like it or not. With it being a story I hear before I was hoping that it would have a strong introduction. Also the transition isn't that smooth but its only the first chapter.
| foxyricanlady chapter 1 . 4/14/2011
i really like how it all starts it very good hope to read more soon... )
| Magz chapter 1 . 4/14/2011
I would love for you to continue with this story. I find it very interesting and I'd like to read more.
| Fallin-raindrops chapter 1 . 4/14/2011
I LOVE THE IDEA OF THE STORY! It is so interesting. I have never imagines something like this, I know it happens, but to actually read about is exciting. Your writing style is impeccable. Even though you haven't gone in much detail about the characters I love both of them. I wonder what her parents think of this. Why is he willing to donate his sperm? Hope the next chapter is longer. Do you know how many chapters this story will be? Does he have a dark past? Just wondering...LoVE the story though, Update Soon
| darkgurl92 chapter 1 . 4/14/2011
i know what dont they just get it on..once they meet i mean there still guna make a baby anyways..instead of going through the long process of getting the sperm injected into her, why not just have sex.:) update soon..interesting plot..can't wait..