|Reviews for Jock Boy|
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/17/2013
I hope you continue this and don't just leave it at a oneshot *on floor begging* PLEASSSSSE continue it
| Vaydric chapter 1 . 2/20/2013
The plot seems very interesting however the grammar, spelling and general read of this peice is low standard.
When punctuation is used it is always a comma, when there should be semi-colons and full stops (the end of speech must always have punctuation eg "my love" should be either "my love." Or "my love?" Etc.) and we're, were and where, there, their and they're and general apostrophes are confused.
It seems as though you haven't read it over before you posted it- planning or getting a beta to edit this would greatly improve it, adding more detail and characterisation (the people in this are very 2D) and a general improvement would be fantastic.
I feel slightly harsh but I can see great potential with this and it hasn't been done with justice, would writing lessons or a co-writer be possible? I would happily write this with you, I enjoy the darkness of it; however implausible double rape in a school toilet is.
Good luck for the future, do and don't take these to heart!
| JyleLover924 chapter 1 . 7/27/2011
I read this a while back and haven't actually had time to review it until now (yes, I really what a poor excuse that is, but it's true). I liked it though I agree with the others that it should be continued. There's a lot to work with here, it has potential.
*gives you a cupcake.*
| Luna'Sister chapter 1 . 4/19/2011
Oh my bloody god... I love this story, but I don’t understand why you stopped were you did. It seems like the time of story that can go a little longer. There’s plenty of things to work with. Like Joss having to pay Whitney's dad off, or that the three boys might come back latter to get even with Joss. Even the fact that Whitey is cutting himself and joss wants him to stop. Not to mention, Joss pretty much owns the poor boy, I’m shore Whitney would have some thing to say about that. But all in it was really interesting.
| aWriterandastone chapter 1 . 4/17/2011
I loved it i think that it is sweet that joss wants to help Whitney a little. You should continue
| Esquirella chapter 1 . 4/14/2011