|Reviews for Uncontrollable Sparks|
| LiberryBooked chapter 4 . 5/16/2011
I like what you have going here. It's interesting. I'd love to see some more character description though. And the dynamic between Rhea and Lance is a bit surprising to me. They've been going out and they were in love for so long and Rhea can just ignore him and be all cute with this other guy?
I'm eager to see what you come up with next though :)
| LiberryBooked chapter 1 . 5/16/2011
I liked how you started off this chapter, but how she asked him if he loved her and then ran away after telling him the reason she was asking was because she was breaking up with him, just struck me as odd.
Otherwise I think you started off the story with a good hook and I'm interested to read more.
| Fate Rose chapter 2 . 4/28/2011
Can't double review, so I logged out.
Much better, much less confusing. Good job.
| GermanSam chapter 2 . 4/25/2011
First of all, Fate: Shut up! I spell grammAr wrong all the time because I'm used to word fixing it for me. I'm sorry I'm ironic!
Secondly, send me this chapter in an email as well. Do not post any more chapters until I see them and fix this chapter. I don't mean to sound demanding, I'm just trying to help you. (I will explain more of my motive to you later)
What to change before I correct this:
Explain why Lance is suddenly there.
-Describe the girls more.
-Perferably, have the girls go with her (I will explain more on that later)
-Explain that the parents died before you just bring it up. Don't just lay it on us. It's a little awkward.
Anything else, I will bring up later.
| Fate Rose chapter 2 . 4/23/2011
Formatting spazzed, but you already addressed that.
The plotline is a tad confusing, it'd be a good idea to explain things soon.
I spotted a few spelling and grammar issues and the tense thing again in a few spots.
Other than those things, not bad, my friend. An improvement from the last chapter. Let's see where things go.
(Also, Sam spelled grammar wrong in her review. I find it ironic.)
| Fate Rose chapter 1 . 4/15/2011
I agree with Sam. Good plotline, good hook. Grammar and formatting need work. If you want my help or any advice, just ask. I've no problem helping out.
The one thing that bothered me more than the grammar/formatting was that in some of the larger paragraphs, your tense switches. It's something a lot of people do when they first start out. There are chapters of Too Long that I've done it in. (I still need to edit that...) Anyway, I suggest you decide whether the story is in past tense (as I suspect it is) or in present tense (as there are a few spots it seems to accidentally be written in.)
On a more positive note, big fan of the forbidden love thing. I doubt this will get half as depressing as I would write it (which is prolly a good thing) but I think I shall enjoy it. Keep hashing it out until you have something you like, love. Remember, even Sam and I had some drafts we didn't keep around. Don't continue or delete this based on our advice. Choose your action for you.
Looking forward to more.
| GermanSam chapter 1 . 4/14/2011
Yay first reviewer!
But on a more difficult to say note: we need to talk about this. It's not bad and the general idea is there but the grammer is not great. Send me this word document in an email and I wll show you how to properly fix it and make it sound a heck of lot better. I will also send notes along with it for future chapters.