|Reviews for Closer To Death Than You Think|
| want to be deleted dont use chapter 7 . 12/3/2011
what an interesting story. more please.
| Ed chapter 3 . 9/22/2011
ahhaahahah sierra where did u even come up with this story! ahh its a pretty good story soo far and i really like it sander is a freaking annoying stalker! but yaa gd story so far!
| A.H. Nox chapter 4 . 7/26/2011
I really like Sander. This is getting really interesting. I really look forward to where the story plot will head. Kevin's really sweet as well.
| xNightDx chapter 4 . 7/25/2011
Update soon! 3
| DecayedDreams chapter 1 . 7/5/2011
I'm not trying to be rude right away but this is something I catch with a lot of people if you are writing dialogue never put a period unless it's the end of a paragraph. Use a comma if something like "said XXX" comes after it. A period never comes before a " if there is something that comes after it. If you don't believe me then just crack open up a book and look.
the basic format follows:
" dialogue (end of in mid of a sentence) , " said X. ( or comma if you are continuing the sentence " dialogue ."
X said, "dialogue (end of paragraph or some sentences) ."
Below are some of these mistakes that I have found in your work:
1."Goodbye, everyone." Ciana whispered
2."You could have killed yourself." he gave her
3."Alright let's begin with introductions." Ignoring Ciana ( ignoring should not be capitalized here.)
4. giving her a flirtatious grin before going on (she looked morbidly disgusted by this). "Ciana Edge, huh. Never thought you'd be in this kind of situation."
5. looking bored. "Ciana, born September 20th..."
's sudden outburst. "Who are you to tell me about my life
7."Calm down Ciana." he grinned charmingly. "Let me explain what's going on."
's son." he repeated. "My job is keep
before you can go." he grinned.
backed away. "W-What the heck was that...?" ( this one is debatable)
12. what Sander said. "And how do you
to herself. "It's huge..."
14."This is my home." Sander said
15. his eyes turning red. "If you get separated from me
16. easy to find you." Anri grinned
17. about him." she mumbled.
chimed. "Then I guess
19. though it didn't work." he said happily
20. he said happily. "I contacted Master's
21. nonchalantly. "You will be living with Master
22. your tea." He tried
23. "I'm... sorry." He looked away (He should not be capitalized here all of these happen naturally because you have a period)
mumbled. "To where exactly?"
at me. "I was done with
26. your face is red." he chimed.
sleep by myself." I mumbled
kissed my cheek. "Goodnight, princess." he gave me one last grin before leaving. (here before staring and before ending the dialogue; they both need commas)
These are all an easy fix and SERIOUSLY IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE I'M RIGHT GO OPEN A BOOK. Personally I'm always looking at those kinds of mistakes for all writers here on fictionpress and it takes me away from the story cause I keep seeing those mistakes.
But here you have it right
just a warning," he smirked evilly
2."Well 1st of all," he said
3."Ciana," Sander finally looked
here let me ask you what is more professional
what you have: Well 1st of all
or: Well first of all.
Type out your numbers unless they are specific points in time and dates.
This story line does have potential like others say but having wrong grammar will bring it down. So look at a book or search "dialogue grammar" on the net. Or even get a beta reader to go through it.
| Secretive Person chapter 3 . 6/29/2011
Update dammit, update!
| xNightDx chapter 3 . 6/28/2011
| Vicki Lawson chapter 3 . 6/28/2011
She REALLY is closer to death! She lives with the son of death. Interesting story! I wish it was an actual anime!
| xNightDx chapter 2 . 6/25/2011
I love it! I begging you Update soon!
| tootsiepop101 chapter 2 . 6/13/2011
i love this story soooo much YOU MUST CONTINUE, im in love with it! i hope you ubdate soon!
| choco-rose chapter 2 . 5/21/2011
awww thats sooo~ cut plz update again! :D
| Tedi-Medoru chapter 1 . 5/17/2011
I do like the story but the beginning kinda made me feel depressed but by the end, I was chuckling. This what I think for now, at least until I read the second and maybe future chapters
| A.H. Nox chapter 2 . 5/16/2011
Yes Sander can be very sweet. And very annoying...girls deserve their privacy...I'm curious as to how they'll end up~ awaiting the next upload!
| choco-rose chapter 1 . 4/24/2011
xD xD xD aww i like Sander's personality better when he is in hell... xI (pout face) xD xD he seems so~ cute and luvable :)
plz update when you can
| strawberryumbrellas chapter 1 . 4/16/2011
Lysander,I want to hug you oAo